MUSIC TO CRASH YOUR CAR TO
Friday, August 29th, 2008 at 9:04am by Axl RosenbergNo booze at a Motley fucking Crue show? Jesus fucking Christ. That must be like having sex with a condom made of nails.
No booze at a Motley fucking Crue show? Jesus fucking Christ. That must be like having sex with a condom made of nails.

As the southern shores of the Texas coast were being relentlessly hammered by Hurricane Dolly, a storm of a different sort slammed its way into the Alamo City last Wednesday. Maybe those long traffic lines heading out of Padre Island earlier in the week were actually Crue fans making their way to San Antonio to catch the first annual Cruefest featuring Trapt, Sixx AM, Papa Roach, Buckcherry, and that notorious whirlwind of destruction known as Motley Crue.
It would be the first time for this Old Fart to witness the Crue since their glory days of corpsepaint and titties known as the Shout at the Devil tour way back in 1983. (See Dorks Love Metal! for more hilarity.) I had fallen out of man-love with the band right around the Dr. Feelgood-era so I was not really sure if I would enjoy myself or not. I am happy to report: CRUE FUCKIN’ ROCKS!!

Yesterday an advanced copy of the album by a certain nu metal band that shall go unnamed arrived at the MetalSucks Mansion. “Why the fuck would they send us this?” Vince wondered aloud, noting that we have never, ever, ever had anything nice to say about this particular group.
“Dude,” I countered, “At least we write about them. That’s more than I can say for most sites.”
Which got me to thinking: is there no one carrying the nu metal torch?
So the new Motley Crue album has a release date; Saints of Los Angeles (listen to the title track and first single at Motley’s MySpace and watch the video here) will hit the shelves on June 17th on the band’s own Motley Records. As expected, the band announced in a press conference yesterday that they will embark on a 40-date U.S. Amphitheater tour dubbed Cruefest, also featuring Buckcherry, Papa Roach, Trapt and Sixx A.M. Two of those bands make me puke; you decide which.
From what I can tell there was no mention of the rumors that Crue signed a $100-$150 million all-encompassing deal with touring giants Live Nation.
The new album is supposedly a concept piece following the same storyline as the band’s best-selling memoir The Dirt, a book which probably ranks among my Top 5 reads ever (seriously!). Will Sixx be able to strike lightning twice, having already released a concept album in 2007 about his own struggles with addiction, or is the new album just an excuse to tour that will suck and be completely irrelevant?