The participants of the latest edition of Donald Trump’s The Celebrity Apprentice have been announced, and in case you’re for some reason reading this but haven’t glanced at the headline, the cast will include Twisted Sister vocalist Dee Snider. I’m guessing he was included because the show apparently had a lot of success with Poison’s Bret Michaels — a fact I completely missed until I walked into my local corner store one day and saw a Michaels/Apprentice-themed Snapple flavor — and someone thought getting another famous 80s vocalist who used to dress like an ugly woman would be a good idea. Whether or not Snider’s is famous enough for anyone outside the geriatric metal community remains to be seen, though — despite having a reality show of his own, I don’t feel like Snider has been in the mainstream media as much as Michaels these past few years.

Snider’s competitors will include Arsenio Hall, Clay Aiken, George Takei, Lisa Lampanelli, Debbie Gibson, and, most excitingly of all, Lou Ferrigno. So if I was Snider, I’d be shitting my drawers. No fucking way he can beat The Incredible Hulk, right?

-AR

[via Deadline]

UPDATED:

The first trailer for Rock of Ages, the movie adaptation of the Broadway musical that uses a bunch of 80s arena rawk and hair metal tunes, has been released, and, never before has a story about rebellious youth been sold via the utilization of so many old people. (Y’know, in case there was any doubt that the only people who would ever wanna see these are middle-aged folks nostalgic for their youths.) I mean, I love Alec Baldwin and Paul Giamatti as much of the next guy, but I need to see Catherine Zeta-Jones belt out “We’re Not Gonna Take It” like I need prostate cancer. I’m not even sure I understand why the uptight conservatives would be singing the Twisted Sister song and not the loosey-goosey rock n’ rollers… maybe it’s meant to be ironic? Whatever.

Rock of Ages comes out on June 1, 2012.

ORIGINAL POST:

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Last year, a bunch of teachers took Twisted Sister’s legendary teen rebellion anthem, “We’re Not Gonna Take It,” and used it to teach teenagers to be less rebellious. Now, almost five-hundred people in Marietta, Georgia, are planning to perform a choreographed dance to the song this Saturday evening in order to raise awareness for hunger. Based on the below rehearsal video for the dance, I would guess that this, too, was the brainchild of an old person.

And I’d like to make fun of this for being incredibly lame and caucasian, except it’s SUCH a good cause, and even I’m not THAT jaded. And it’s usage here is certainly truer to the themes of the song than what those teachers did. (Although, besides the chorus, the lyrics really make no sense when discussing this particular issue — no one is starving because they “don’t want nothin’, not a thing from you.” They actually do want something from you: food.)

-AR

[via Metal Insider]

So there are a lot of things that differentiate Frank Sinatra from most modern metal musicians, but I’d like to concentrate on two:

• He could actually sing.
• He was an honest-to-goodness, not-to-be-fucked-with badass.

And so it makes no sense to me that, according to Noisecreep, “members of Anthrax, Twisted Sister, Deep Purple, Queensryche, Warrant and other groups have recorded their own metallic versions of some of Sinatra’s standards and classics for an album called SIN-atra.”

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While most new releases have trailed off into Christmas Music oblivion, there were still a few notable new metal albums trickling in last week. After the jump, a look at the meaningless sales numbers generated by new ones from After the Burial, Metallica, The Chariot and Yngwie Malmsteen with a look at a few other charting releases as well (take a look at the tags below if you wanna know who). Snarky commentary included, natch.

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According to Deadline, it’s a possibility — Cruise has apparently been offered the role of “Dennis,” a bartender, in the upcoming feature film adaptation of the hit Broadway show, which recycles cock rock anthems into a story about young love or some such nonsense. I haven’t seen the show, but Deadline says that while it’s only a supporting role, Cruise  ”would get to belt out a bunch of 80s hair band tunes.” I love how they wrote “get to” — as though somewhere Tom Cruise is sitting around, calling his agents, screaming “Why haven’t I played a role where I sing old hair metal songs yet?!? GET ON IT!!!”

In any case, Cruise hasn’t accepted the part yet, so this could all end up being just some film exec’s wet dream. But what I find really hilarious about the whole situation is that, on Broadway, the role of “Dennis” is currently being played by Dee Snider. Because these two look appropriate for the same part, right?

-AR

So the DVD of the Big Four Sonisphere thing that aired in movie theaters this summer is coming out on November 2 (and possibly earlier, depending on the part of the world in which you live), and to get people pumped, the bands are giving away a FREE video of the now-infamous “Am I Evil?” mega-jam. That’s right, it’s FREE! You can download it here.

Or, you can just watch it below. ‘Cause it’s been available on the internet for free for months anyway. Every single performance clip from the DVD is online, in fact. You can watch them all at Metal Injection. Just sayin’.

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I know what you’re thinking: “Two Limp Bizkit-related stories in as many days! What did we ever do to be so lucky?” What can I say? This entire week has felt like one long hangover.

So. Fred Durst’s feature film directorial debut, a would-be Sundance hit called The Education of Charlie Banks, was a barely-watchable piece of shit that failed to make so much as a dent in public awareness; his second film, the Ice Cube family sports drama The Longshots, tanked at the box office. But Durst gives great head (for dudes… he can’t find the clit so he’s pretty useless for women) and people are stupid, so he’s swindled someone into letting him make another movie. From Noisecreep:

“Durst is also directing his third feature film. The third film is dubbed ‘Pawn Shop Chronicles,’ and it follows a protagonist through a world of skinheads and meth heads thanks to a missing wedding ring. The film is slated to go into production early next year.”

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Sebastian Bach and, to a somewhat lesser extent, Corey Glover and, to a definitely lesser extent, Paul Stanley have all had some success doing theatrical musicals, be it on Broadway or elsewhere; now Dee Snider wants in on that action, and has joined the cast of Rock of Ages, the hit Broadway jukebox musical that incorporates 80′s music that is still remembered fondly by the bridge and tunnel crowd — e.g., Poison, Journey, etc. He’ll be in the show for eleven weeks, from October 11 through December 24.

And why not? Snider’s vocal talents were never on the level of guys like Glover and Bach, but live videos that I just watched on YouTube (like the one above) tell me that his voice is still in surprisingly good shape. Plus, he already dresses like Liza Manelli, so he’ll fit right in on The Great White Way.

And it’s a genius stroke on the part of the producers; the people who wanna see this show are definitely gonna know who Snider is, and be all the happier to buy a ticket to see him. It makes you wonder why no one thought of this sooner, or if anyone besides Snider was ever approached to be in the show.

Also, if Snider’s eight-shows-a-week (!) commitment to Rock in any way slows the production of Strangeland 2, than it can only be a good thing.

Meanwhile, it was just about a year ago that a Rock of Ages movie adaptation was announced, to be directed by Adam Shankman, the man behind such Cannes Film Festival Palme D’Or winners as Cheaper by the Dozen 2. But there’s been no news of that project since, so it’s either dead or stuck in development hell. Either way, the human race wins… for now.

-AR

My favorite parts of the new Black Anvil song, “The Evil of all Roots,” have bounce. Obviously not, like, deathcore/Panteradactyl-style bounce, but, y’know, they make me wanna bob my head. In my old age, when a night of headbanging can easily lead to a chiropractor visit, I increasingly appreciate a good head-bob, y’know?

ANYWAY, the song is streaming over at Stereogum, and comes off of Black Anvil’s forthcoming Triumvirate. And I guess I haven’t been reading my press releases very carefully, ’cause that same site tells me that Triumvirate was recorded by Twisted Sister’s Mark Mendoza, which has to be one of the crazier intersections of metal history I’ve heard about in awhile. Black Anvil don’t wear corpse paint, but I can’t exactly picture Paul Delaney in pink stockings and football pads, y’know?

Triumvirate comes out September 28 on Relapse. Don’t forget that we’re streaming another song, “Scalping,” right here at MetalSucks.

-AR

I like Twisted Sister as much as the next guy dressed like a girl in football pads, but would I ever consider naming a village after Dee Snider? No. No, I would not. I’m sorry, but the mind behind the Strangeland franchise is just not worthy of commemorated in such a way. You wanna settle The Township of Townsend? Fine, I’m all for it. Turn Osborne, Australia into Osbourne, Australia? I’ll get behind that just ’cause of Ozzy’s legacy. Dimebagopolis? I will happily attend the ribbon-cutting ceremony.

But Dee Snider? Fuck would I name someplace after Dee Snider for?

And yet, that’s exactly what one small community in Ohio is doing:

Cridersville, Ohio, a village near Lima, plans to change its name for a day in honor of Twisted Sister frontman Dee Snider, who is visiting town to host a March of Dimes Bikers for Babies ride.

At least it’s only for the day I guess. ‘Cause I understand that Dee Snider is probably the biggest celebrity ever to willfully come to Cridersville, but, y’know. Have some PRIDE, people.

Come up with your favorite metal-musician’s-name-turned-into-a-town-name pun in the comments section below.

-AR

Additional reporting by Satan Rosenbloom.

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Welcome to “Question of the Week,” a (sometimes) weekly debate amongst the MetalSucks staff regarding a recent hot button issue.

Inspired this week by the rumor that Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler may be a new judge on American Idol, we decided to ask our writers:

IF YOU HAD TO PICK ONE METAL MUSICIAN TO BE A JUDGE ON AMERICAN IDOL, WHO WOULD IT BE AND WHY?

The MS staff’s answers after the jump.

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One day mankind will go extinct and the remains of our civilization will later be picked over by aliens. Though they can speedily assemble collections of most homo erectus artifacts for their alien museums, their super-brains will struggle to grasp and group the arts of Earth, y’know, for their encyclopedias and stuff. So it’s in the interest of preserving and defining Glam Metal across the cosmos that we at MetalSucks have counted down the Ten Best Must-Have Glam Metal Albums. We even tapped in to the genius of Bring Back Glam‘s Allyson B. Crawford to give it that “definitive text” feel. (Read part one, part two, part three)

Thanks to Allyson and our Anso DF, Glam Metal will live on in other worlds long after our planet has become a barren hellscape. That’s comforting. Here’s the number one Best Must-Have Glam Metal Album! So, come now children of the beast, be strong and …

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Read Leyla’s list of The Top Ten Worst Hair Metal Band Names here.

All right, this was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be and for a while I considered just doing a part two of bad names. But, like hair metal itself, there are always some gems floating amidst the crap, and with a little borrowing from other overlapping genres, ten candidates were found for the best of hair band names. So you’re safe for now, Trixter, Tora, Tora, Kix, and Stryper…

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Twisted Sister’s most famous song, “We’re Not Gonna Take It,” came out in 1984; the video had one of the guys who played one of the dick heads in Animal House giving his kid shit for being a kid, and was basically a call for young people everywhere to rebel against their elders.

But if you were a teenager in 1984, you’re, like, a million years old now – which is how we’ve come to a place where a bunch of teachers from Florida have made a new video for the song, this one basically a call for young people to be less rebellious.

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As I understand it, Family Jewels, the show about Gene Simmons, pushover softcore porn star Shannon Tweed, their plagiarizing son Nick, and their daughter Sophie (who, amazingly, I currently can find no ways to insult), is still going strong – but I guess the execs at A&E thought that if one show about a grown man who plays dress-up for a living was a hit, a second would be twice as nice. ‘Cause Blabs is saying that Dee Snider and his family are getting their own A&E reality program, to be called Growing Up Twisted.

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If the rumor that he didn’t wanna tour anymore is true, then perhaps John Bush has the right idea.

Our pal Allyson Crawford from Bring Back Glam recently conducted an interview with Twisted Sister guitarist Jay Jay French for Noisecreep. (Got all that?) And the big scoop of the interview is that while Twisted Sister will probably continue to play live in some capacity, they won’t be doing anymore full tours. Why? Mr. French explains:

“I know what these [other legacy] bands make, I know their lifestyle, I know what they do,” continues French. “I can’t function that way. I don’t believe it’s viable for them. I believe they [tour] because they really have no other options on this planet. And by going out on the road constantly, they devalue themselves because they’re out there all the time. We work in a completely separate business model. If I don’t play, guess what? My value increases, doesn’t it? So the less I play, the more valuable I become. So I work completely opposite. I’ll bet you I make more money playing 12 shows than most [other] bands make playing 50 shows.”

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So Rocklahoma, the once cock-rockalicious festival, may be a wash this year, but it seems that there’s already a new fest to grab ahold of the Aquanet and let us relive our youth gone wile: Rock N America, which take place from July 23 to July 25 in – get this – Oklahoma. Huh.

The line-up basically plays like a who’s who of who shoulda been playing Rocklahoma this year: Scorpions, Twisted Sister, Ratt, Warrant, Dokken, Great White, Enuff Z’Nuff, Bullet Boys, Faster Pussycat, and the Tracii Guns/Jizzy Pearl version of L.A. Guns are all the bill. More bands will be announced soon; in my imagination that will include whatever is passing for Skid Row these days, Vince Neil, Adler’s Appetite, Beautiful Creatures and/or Bang Tango, and the other version of L.A. Guns. But who knows.

It is worth noting that the fest will take place at the Zoo Amphitheatre, which a) has a smaller capacity than the giant open fields of Rocklahoma and b) isn’t just a cool name from some venue, but, rather, is called the “Zoo Amphitheatre” because it’s actually at the fucking zoo. So unless it’s always been Chip Z’Nuff’s dream to play for a crowd of zebras, this isn’t going to be quite the event that Rocklahoma was for these bands.

Still, you should visit the Rock N America website, even if you’re not really interested in attending the show, because, well, it’s like the shittiest website of 1994 and is consequently pretty hilarious.

-AR

[via Bring Back Glam]

It’s hard for me to talk smack about Dee Snider, because as far as I can tell, he’s a pretty cool dude.

Unfortunately, being a cool dude doesn’t make you a good filmmaker, and if you ever saw the 1998 horror flick Strangeland, which Snider wrote and co-starred in as the villainous “Captain Howdy” (seriously), you’re probably very aware that Snider is not a good filmmaker. Unless the film has aged incredibly well, which I find hard to believe – it sucked when it was released, so I dunno what twelve years would do for it. The best thing about the movie then, and I suspect now, was the soundtrack, which had a bunch of metal bands on it like Pantera, Megadeth, and, unfortunately, Snot.

I guess Snider’s not giving up the dream of having his own horror franchise, though. Apparently Strangeland spawned a prequel comic (which I somehow missed… oh well), and now C.H.U.D. reports that Snider is making a sequel, Strangeland: Disciple, with a budget of five million dollars.

Who the hell is giving Dee Snider five million dollars to make a sequel to a film no one really seemed to like in the first place? I have no idea, but here’s the plot synopsis:

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The Austerity Program play this Sunday January 31, in Brooklyn at Public Assembly (70 N 6th St) with White Suns, Immanent Voiceless, Daniel Malinsky. You should go, goddammit!!!

I did not get into metal until relatively late in life. My teenage years were spent buying everything that came out on Touch & Go and Amphetamine Reptile. I’d see long-haired wasteoids hanging out in suburban playgrounds and think “Look at those chumps who’ve got it so bad for Reign in Blood while I know that Atomizer is really where it’s at. (Actually, I still pretty much feel this way.) At that point, MetalSucks was not a website, it was a personal belief.

Still, I was not unaware of what the metal kids were up to, even around fourth grade. A few of them that I invited to my birthday that year party chipped in and bought “Shout at the Devil;” since I only had about twelve records at that point, I figured that I’d listen to the record once a day because what else are you going to do? And it kind of freaked my parents out, and that was cool. And it had a pentagram on the cover which I spent a lot of time trying not to look at because I was worried something might happen to me.

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