The regular season has sadly come to an end, and I emphasize SADLY, because I have no idea what the hell I’m gonna do every Sunday for the next four months when its fuckin -6 degrees, ugh. The final day didn’t really post any surprises for me, as all of the teams I picked to make it did so; with only two seeds being incorrect (pats self on shoulder, slams a shot of whiskey). So lets take a look at the matchups coming up this weekend.

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Sorry for the delay everyone! I had to awaken from my food coma over this past week. I really enjoy how America has turned every holiday into an excuse to overeat and drink. But who the hell am I to say that’s wrong? I indulged. I indulged in watching football as well. This week wasn’t as much as a shocker as last, but the AFC race is fuckin’ jacked right now to say the least. Tennessee is still in the hunt somehow, crazy.

I like the Patriots to win the No. 1 seed. Buffalo dismantled Tebow this week, but they won’t have that luck on Brady. But I still don’t see them making the Superbowl, their defense gives up way too much, just like the Packers. Here we have a case where both the would be No. 1 seeds are probably going to be knocked out. Both offenses are lethal, but if either have an off day, neither can rely on their defense to win. (However, the Pack do lead the league in interceptions, which helps their case.)

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You hear that whistle in the intro? Yeah, that means business. And business was not as usual this week in the NFL. I predicted a few weeks back that if the Pack was gonna lose, the Colts were gonna win the same day, otherwise there is no balance, dammit! But seriously, NOBODY saw the Pack’s loss directly to the Colts coming. There are only two weeks left, and we are starting to see the identity, or lack thereof, of our playoff teams.

Lets start with the Packers. The Chiefs outplayed them, no question. But there were two key things that usually occur in our wins this season that didn’t this week. First, the defense didn’t cause a single turnover, and we thrive on that momentum shift as we usually turn them into points. And second, we dropped as many balls yesterday as all season. Rodgers was off target, the receivers dropped a lot of easy catches, and the focus just wasn’t there. And this just proves how much of the game is mental. Let’s take a team that has nothing to lose, who just fired their head coach because they can’t win, bring in the best team in the league, and let’s make a statement. And they did. I’m not fretting, and nobody else should either. The last two games may be rocky for the Pack, but once they lock up home field advantage its going to be hella tough to win in Green Bay, especially as some key players come back from injury.

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The NFL lost one of its all-time greats last week as long-time Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis slipped this mortal coil and joined the choir invisible… in other words, he died. Every sports journalist from here to Hoboken immediately began lamenting his passing and glorifying his life in a way completely appropriate for such a luminary figure. His countless accomplishments included hiring the league’s first African-American head coach and being inducted to the NFL Hall of Fame. The only problem with this picture is that most of these journalists kissing Al’s dead ass were the same ones who have mercilessly cracked on him for being a senile old coot who needed to give up the reins a long time ago. Even I had been guilty of the occasional irresponsible tweet, and it occurred to me that so much attention has been paid to blaming Al Davis for the Raider’s post-2002 blues that nobody remembers all of the amazing things Al Davis did for not only the Raiders but for the entire NFL. So in a sense Mr. Davis’ death has been the perfect chance to flip the script and remind everybody who the Raiders (and Al Davis) really are (were).

And after the Raiders wild 25-20 win over the Houston Texans, I am happy to say that the Raiders are who we thought they were, and who they haven’t been for the past nine years or so — the bad guys of the NFL with a team to back it. I mean, think of a league without the Raiders. Isn’t it a dull and dreary place? Only the Cowboys inspire the level of fandom that the Raiders do, so without them you have only the Cowboys and doesn’t that make you want to puke? On a personal note, as a Redskins fan, it’s great to see Jason Campbell smiling. He didn’t do a lot of that around Washington, but he always gave it his all. I really wish we hadn’t traded him! The only thing that would have made the Raiders’ day better would have been a win at home, but now the stage is set for an emotional homecoming as the Raiders take on a struggling Cleveland team next week at O.co. Coliseum.

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I am still trying to figure out what kind of column this should be. I have found that a general blurb is too limiting. I can’t cover anything in the depth I want to, and I always leave out somebody who feels their team is deserving of notice. I am reminded of watching Monday Night Football as a child, desperately hoping that my team would make the halftime highlights reel, and being horribly offended when they didn’t. Plus there is the stone-cold fact that I just don’t care about a lot of teams in the league. Reporting on them is boring. So after considering my options carefully, I decided to write about WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANTED.

Week Three in the N.F.L. saw a couple of perennial loser teams continue their winning ways, a couple of big-time QB’s continuing their slides towards oblivion, and left a couple million guys like me trying to figure it out. But why? Because football, and sports in general, offers one of the last true escapes from this crazy modern world, and the fact that all of your friends are doing it makes it even more acceptable. It’s kinda like having a one-day vacation once a week, and if your team is playing on Monday night, it even comes back again for a little while. But damn… never has a vacation been so vulnerable to fate’s whimsy. Interceptions, penalties, and especially potentially career-ending injuries to franchise players that your team then lies to you (the fan) about can really screw up your fun. But that’s OK, it’s not like you flew the family to Disneyworld. No matter how bad it gets, the fridge is full of beer.

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It dawned on me as I was watching the games yesterday that I was doing it as a professional journalist. I mean, I was last week as well, but I don’t think it had dawned on me that I was finally doing something that I been following avidly my whole life. Reading about football isn’t as fun as watching or playing it, but it’s not bad! It fact the biggest reason I got a Kindle was so I could get a hometown newspaper everyday and follow my team from mini-camp to immolation! And to be given a chance to write about it is a responsibility I happily embrace, and am honored to be given a chance to excel at. Now let’s get to the action!

Week Two in the NFL was a surprising flurry of stupid yet brutal circumstances. New England QB Tom Brady told the fans to get “lubed up” before the game, then had management decide he was talking about water. That’s just brutally stupid! Thankfully the games started before he could say anything else.

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Greetings sports and metal fans everywhere, and welcome back to the glory of football! That’s right, the world’s greatest sport is back and men everywhere are heaving a collective sigh of relief. No more Sundays at the mall, or like, hanging out with your family or something. NO! Our butts are attached to our favorite butt-supporting device, and we will not be moved! Bring me chips, woman! Honey? Where did you go?

Before we start our coverage let me first of all say that football is so awesome that we stole the name of the world’s most popular sport and used it for ours, and then insisted they were wrong. That makes Europeans mad. Well, let them be mad! They can go fight it out at the gay SOCCER match. And actually they do, as some of those European soccer hooligans can be pretty nasty. Isn’t it funny that a sport that is so gay (soccer), and has such a gay name (soccer), attracts such violent followers? Over compensation, I do believe. But on to American FOOTBALL.

Anybody who knows me knows I am a big Redskins fan. But when they asked me to do this column they were very clear… I have to cover the whole league! Shit, that’s a lot of teams, and I hate most of them. Generally speaking, the further west you go, the more I hate the team, with the exception of the Raiders, who I always liked (because of the cool uniform). But I don’t have another “favorite team” or even a second favorite… I believe you get one team and you stick with them ’til the end! And considering that I am a Skins fan, those are not easy words to live by. OK, lets get to the action!

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