Leading independent music retailer VICTORY RECORDS has a special Valentine’s Day gift for you: the exclusive, limited-time chance to design your own PACKAGE DEAL!!

For You and Your Sweetie package deal, offers two shirts for $25 plus FREE shipping on the rest of your order ($7 for international). Choose one shirt for your Valentine, then choose one for yourself. After all, you deserve it for being so thoughtful. Also, take advantage of the free shipping by loading up on additional items from the Victory Records webstore. No Valentine? Go ahead and spoil yourself. Don’t miss out on this sweet deal.

IMO package deals are just the latest example of VICTORY RECORDS’ long history of innovative ideas. They offer consumers a great value for their hard-earned dollar, and give Victory a chance to get rid of outdated, shitty product that won’t sell at full price– everybody wins! It’s sort of like how at Olive Garden you can sample wine for 25 cents, only with breakdowns!!

After the break, a few of my favorite SKUs from this exciting marketing initiative– which will YOU choose for YOUR package deal???

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Still have no idea what to get your loved one this Valentine’s Day? How about buying them a special Valentine’s Day-themed SLAYER t-shirt with a FREE Slayer condom? That’s right, folks: you could be dipping your Slayer-adorned dong in your lady’s pink clam while yelling “Fucking Slaaaaaayyyyyerrrrr!” at the top of your lungs and you’d actually be telling the truth. That’s a once in a lifetime opportunity that seems too good to pass up!

Visit the Slayer webshop to take advantage of this special deal (which, at $26.99 per shirt plus an item that’s given away for free at most bars, actually isn’t a very special deal at all). There’s one t-shirt design for men and one for women, so whichever way you swing there’s something for your partner (but let’s be honest, we know for a fact that 90% of MetalSucks readers are dudes).

Upon closer inspection, the condom actually just looks like a regular Durex in Slayer packaging. Man, they really missed an opportunity to make something especially sick and twisted. So, if you’re really hard up for a gift and your loved one likes Slayer… buy an overpriced t-shirt.

-VN

Ah, Valentine’s Day. Reviled by most, enjoyed by the smug, and shrugged off by the belligerently ambivalent. But while most of us couldn’t care less about this specific day in February, it’s still an annoyance that comes around every year. Kind of like the common cold.

Now, most places will have shitloads of “quirky” recommendations you can do with your special someone, even if you’re of the metalhead persuasion. You can hold sweaty hands in the privacy of your parents’ basement, pour each other some classy Motorhead wine, and share a blood pudding in the dreamy light of those church candles. It’s all very nice and sweet to be… nice and sweet.

But you know what’s better? DOING IT. With a killer soundtrack. So on this very special day, I’ve made you all a romantically inappropriate mix tape.

Picking “mood” songs is a little too obvious for my taste. I mean yeah, Faith No More’s “Stripsearch” (Actually, that might be more of a stripping song than a sexing one, but ,hmm, “Evidence” maybe? Heh, “Be Aggressive” might work for some. Either way, Patton’s voice = nudity.) and NIN’s “Closer” are both appropriate (for very different reasons), but that’s no fun. Go forth and find that special someone willing to get, get naked to these select songs. There’s a little something for everyone. St. Valentine would’ve wanted it that way.

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Can you think of a more fitting way to celebrate bloody ol’ St. Valentine’s Day than by a couple tunes from the legendary band Death?

Me neither. Here’s the first two tracks from 1995′s Symbolic…

DEATH - “Symbolic”

DEATH – “Zero Tolerance”

-KW