Welcome to 2012! No matter if you’re inclined to believe the predictions of a certain ancient civilization or subscribe the nonsensical ravings of yet another evangelical Christian idiot (or are just, like, paying attention to the amount of holy-shit-we’re-fucked that’s been going around), all signs seem to point pretty clearly towards Armageddon. Maybe fire won’t rain down from the sky at midnight on the dot next December 31st, but the end times are nearing. As for every major event, you need a soundtrack, right? Something to drown out the screams of the damned, and distract you from the radiation sickness slowly spreading through your bloodstream. As some of you may remember, I’m a little nuclear-obsessed (and so are lots of your favorite bands), so don’t worry, I’ve got you covered.

Here are a few of my favorite ditties for celebrating the end of the world as we know it…and whatever comes next. Unsurprisingly, war metal does a damn good job of chronicling the horror, but crust, grind, and black metal take their turn doing the toxic waltz, too. Apocalypse now. Click to read more…

Devin Townsend has so much explaining to do. As a tireless songwriter and producer, he’s set to release two albums on June 21, Ghost and Deconstruction, to complete the Devin Townsend Project cycle that he started with 2009′s Ki and Addicted. That’s four full-length records, 43 songs, and 260 minutes of music unleashed over about two years. But for Townsend, discussion goes beyond song ideas and his exhaustive studio work required to bring them to life; he could talk all day and yet only touch on the subjects of touring, sales, and modern music industry calamity; and, shit, his back catalogue is too huge and varied to even approach in a Q&A of any reasonable length.

You see, being a modern musician and being Devin Townsend are not the same thing. Sure, he grinds out records and then tours like everybody. However, our latest MetalSucks interview with Townsend reveals an artist unbound by the limits of imagination, but pretty aware of averse reactions to his art; his self-expression is total and unapologetic — until fans and media misinterpret him or disapprove of his humor. He’s confident as a person, but shakeable as a virtuosic guitar player, a theater and puppet enthusiast, and a production wiz. He lets no truth about his world go unexpressed, beit via the hair-raising cacophony of Deconstruction (think Strapping Young Lad’s Alien: The Ride) or Ghost‘s murmuring calm. He puts himself out there all the way; now, let him explain why.

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IMO the most important part of being a true metal fan is knowing your roots. There is nothing worse than a newjack poser who doesn’t know or care about the older bands who paved the way for the generations after them. For example, IMO you can’t consider yourself a real fan of Avenged Sevenfold without also being a fan of Pantera and 18 Visions/Velvet Revolver. I mean I love A7X but obviously they are pretty much just taking what those two bands did, only doing it a lot better. On the other hand, it also sucks when someone gets older and they stop liking stuff. I mean if you like Suffocation then you should also like Devourment, right?? But contrary to what you would expect, older metal fans do nothing but hate on newer bands.

Which one is right?? The younger fans, full of energy and enthusiasm, but unaware of the shitty bands that people used to like?? Or the jaded, bitter has-beens, with seemingly endless knowledge of irrelevant, music that nobody really cares about anymore??????

In this post I will do my best to tackle this topic and answer the question of which is better, NEW MUSIC or OLD MUSIC. I know it’s hard to compare things from different eras, but I think it will help all of us grow as metal fans!!

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I’m at the point where I pretty much prefer animated movies to live-action ones. I passed up some big deal, hotshot movie that came out recently, whose name I don’t even remember, to see Rango. I’m usually a pretty good judge, too, because I knew Rango was going to be awesome ,and it was. It looks absolutely amazing, and if you’re a nerd for animation detail, the gross, crusty animals will thrill you. Not to mention the classic movie references from Chinatown to Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas. It’s also damn violent for a “kids movie.” And well, I’m a movie nerd with a deep love for filmic violence. My dad didn’t have any sons, ok? He raised me to love his Fab Four; Arnold, Bruce, Sylvester, and Jean-Claude. And Dolph, on days he felt generous.

This might be odd, but I always liked to think about what various characters’ personalities would be like. Down to their music and movie taste. I especially try to pick out the metalheads, because I want to find my animated brothers and sisters in arms. It was while musing on the subject on Twitter that I found out the talented Ms. Elise over at Reign in Blonde kind of does the same thing. Apparently, all my acquaintances are online these days. She actually compiled a list of the most metal Disney characters, and with her help, I’ve expanded the list. Here are the Ten Most Likely Metalheads in Animated Movies (excluding anime and other international releases, as the author has not done enough research on the subject.)

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Alright alright alright, so this Venom cover band, Skinny Pasty White Kid in Gym Shorts and His Older Cousins, isn’t quite as good as that Guns N’ Roses cover band we discovered earlier this week, but they’re still really bitchin’. I wish I had been this outgoing back before I had chest pubes. Whomever decided to take away his ADD meds right before he hit the stage made a good choice.

No joke, that kid is awesome.

-AR

Thanks to Sergeant D. for bringing this lil’ whippersnapper to our attention!

Ah, Valentine’s Day. Reviled by most, enjoyed by the smug, and shrugged off by the belligerently ambivalent. But while most of us couldn’t care less about this specific day in February, it’s still an annoyance that comes around every year. Kind of like the common cold.

Now, most places will have shitloads of “quirky” recommendations you can do with your special someone, even if you’re of the metalhead persuasion. You can hold sweaty hands in the privacy of your parents’ basement, pour each other some classy Motorhead wine, and share a blood pudding in the dreamy light of those church candles. It’s all very nice and sweet to be… nice and sweet.

But you know what’s better? DOING IT. With a killer soundtrack. So on this very special day, I’ve made you all a romantically inappropriate mix tape.

Picking “mood” songs is a little too obvious for my taste. I mean yeah, Faith No More’s “Stripsearch” (Actually, that might be more of a stripping song than a sexing one, but ,hmm, “Evidence” maybe? Heh, “Be Aggressive” might work for some. Either way, Patton’s voice = nudity.) and NIN’s “Closer” are both appropriate (for very different reasons), but that’s no fun. Go forth and find that special someone willing to get, get naked to these select songs. There’s a little something for everyone. St. Valentine would’ve wanted it that way.

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Welcome to “Question of the Week,” a (sometimes) weekly debate amongst the MetalSucks staff regarding a recent hot button issue.

Presumably inspired by this week’s announcement of a Big 4 show in the U.S., this week’s question was posed by MetalSucks contributor/author of the Reign in Blood entry into the 33 1/3 book series, D.X. Ferris. Mr. Ferris was even good enough to join us for this edition of QOTW! And his query was:

IF THE BIG FOUR WERE THE BIG EIGHT, WHICH BANDS WOULD BE THE NEXT FOUR IN THE GROUP?

The MS staff’s answers after the jump.

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Welcome to “Question of the Week,” a (sometimes) weekly debate amongst the MetalSucks staff regarding a recent hot button issue.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, which means we’re taking off early today and won’t be back ’til Monday. We’re sorry to leave non-American readers high n’ dry, but PLUS ONE FOR FREEDOM, MOTHERFUCKERS.

ANYWAY, in honor of the holiday, we decided to do a special Turkey Day-themed QOTW designed to make you feel all warm and cuddly inside:

WHAT (IN METAL) ARE YOU THANKFUL FOR?

The MS staff’s answers after the jump.

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Before there were blogs there were these things called magazines, and the only metal magazine we still get excited about reading every month is Decibel. Here’s managing editor Andrew Bonazelli.

In 1998, there was Lords of Chaos. In 2008, there was Until the Light Takes Us. Somewhere between that, aired amongst a bunch of shitty Victory ads on Headbangers Ball, there was this. One might logically conclude that, between this biography, documentary and $100-budget commercial, the history of black metal has been comprehensively documented.

Not so! With this much personality, talent, vision, rampant egotism and disdain for non-Aryans, the genre remains entertainingly unstable — the more you talk to its original practitioners, the more weird new anecdotes bubble up to augment a perpetually-contested whole. That — along with the need to finance multiple third-term back-alley abortions for the staff’s favorite strippers — is why we’ve concocted our second exclusive Decibel one-off, the Black Metal Hall of Fame issue.

Our staffers busted ass to bring you eight tales from black metal’s vast crypt. Three of them you’ve never seen before — touchstones from Burzum, Satyricon and Rotting Christ — and the Darkthrone feature was only previously available in our HOF anthology, Precious Metal. This monster’s not included with subscriptions and is only available online and at select indie record retailers starting around November 8.

The final roster is, as you can see above, Immortal, Burzum, Venom, Darkthrone, Emperor, Satyricon, Enslaved and Rotting Christ. I’m too lazy to copy and paste the album titles, but are there any bands you’d prefer for a prospective round two? (Bear in mind that everyone’s gotta be alive to do these things, so no dice on Bathory and Mayhem.)

-AB

Please help the staff of Decibel finance all the necessary third-term back-alley abortions for their favorite strippers by purchasing the special Black Metal Hall of Fame issue here. You can also help contribute to this tremendous cause by buying yourself a copy of the December 2010 issue of Decibel or, better still, buying yourself a full subscription.

Before there were blogs there were these things called magazines, and the only metal magazine we still get excited about reading every month is Decibel. Here’s managing editor Andrew Bonazelli.

By now, you all know that Decibel’s December Hall of Fame is Venom’s Welcome to Hell. Good shit, right? Not to mention, it’s always fun when a HOF inductee either has a) two or three killer albums, but nothing that blows the rest of the discography out of the unholy water (I’d put Isis and Ministry in this category, although they haven’t popped up in the Hall just yet), or b) two or three stone-cold face-rulers, and no matter which record we pick, somebody will be harshed that the others got left out. Venom are of the latter ilk. (I wrote “ilk.”) You could make a strong-ass argument for Black Metal, and people have, emphatically. Being the dude who makes these calls can suck. And by “the dude,” I mean editor-in-chief Albert Mudrian, who I’ve as of yet failed to convince that Coal Chamber s/t would “tie the room together.” How about honoring both, you might ask? As of today, we haven’t inducted two albums from the same band; it would be a totally different nightmare determining who should be the first to deserve that. At the end of the day, in my eyes, Welcome to Hell vs. Black Metal — it’s a toss-up, right?

Or not. Sayeth Albert: “Welcome to Hell is hands-down the superior record. A lot of folks champion Black Metal as the better LP, but they think it’s better only because the record is CALLED Black Metal and it makes for a cooler T-shirt! Don’t get me wrong — Black Metal still rules — but tracks like “Teacher’s Pet” and “To Hell and Back” can’t hold an inverted cross to anything on Welcome to Hell.”

This is the same man, mind you, who won’t honor a pointless, already-forgotten sports bet by growing a beard and dying it black. But his reasoning may be a little sounder this time. Agreed?

-AB

If you wanna read Decibel‘s complete Hall of Fame entry on Venom’s Welcome to Hell, you’re gonna need to go ahead and buy yourself a copy of the December 2010 issue of Decibel. But, better yet, why don’t you just treat yourself and buy yourself a full subscription, so you can read EVERY Hall of Fame entry from now on?

Never been an Enthroned fan, never been an Enthroned hater. Black metal was most certainly the last sub-genre of metal I got into (unless you count nu-rap-whatever-metal, because I never actually got into that), mostly because I always felt like if you wore make-up on stage, you should be singing about pussy, not Satan. But it’s 2o10 and my New Year’s resolutions include going to the gym more, getting Sacha the Death Metal Puppy to stop being such a little evil bastard, and spending more time blogging about bands that have never had Dave Mustaine in their line-up.

So while word of the streaming of a new Enthroned song, “The Vitalized Shell,” didn’t instantly get my blood pumping, I know it will excite a lot of you. It comes of the band’s new album, Pentagrammaton, which comes out March 22 on Regain.

And, hey!, ya know what? I’m actually really digging it. And I can’t really understand what Nornagest (who is Cronos’ cousin… really?) is saying, so for all I know, the song is about pussy.

-AR

In no particular order…

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So what was your entre into the world where denim, leather n’ demonology reign supreme? Where you adore the goat and sway to the symphony of deee-struction? Every man (or woman) has a tale to tell. Here’s mine. You’re gonna hear a lot of names you might be unfamiliar with, especially if you’re a member of Attack Attack! (Or just plain anyone under 23!) You’re gonna be thinking, “Damn, this fucker is old!” Yeah, well just remember that I’ve seen seen stuff that would make you shit Perrier with jealousy. I’m definitely old enough to have seen Minor Threat, Cliff Burton-era Metallica… the list goes on… before most of you were a tadpole in yer pappy’s population paste.

Let’s start at Discharge. I could go back and trace the whole history of early 80’s hardcore for you, but neither of us have the time or attention span. Let’s just say, the minute I heard these Stroke-on-Trent monsters of the nuclear reactor riff on the monstrous Hear Nothing, See Nothing, Say Nothing album, I nearly pissed my pants. It was the gateway to something far heavier than I had ever heard on a scratchy 7” from the new record store that had opened in Boston called Newbury Comics.

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From the “Too Weird Not to Share” files: Over at Bazillion Points, Ian Christe has dug up a photocomic of Venom’s Cronos doing battle with Thor – yes, the Norse deity turned Marvel superhero – over Pantera. And by “Pantera,” I mean Thor’s wife. Not the metal band. ‘Cause I don’t think Norse gods care about Texas metal.

The comic comes from an ’84 issue of Kerrang!. I can’t even imagine how people would react if, say, Randy Blythe tried to pull off some shit like this in 2009. Although now that I typed that, I’d love see him try. Especially if he wore the leather shorts.

Check out the rest of the comic here.

-AR

Instead of continuing to debate back and forth about the new Metallica album, why not devote some time to metal that won’t suck donkey nuts and then lick up every last drop of the gravy like it’s an oasis in the desert?

Japan’s premiere black metal outfit, Sigh are having a big week; their Tribute to Venom is released today, and then their MetalSucks co-sponsored tour with Unexpect starts on Saturday. Brooklyn Vegan has an mp3 of their version of “Black Metal” for free download, which means, at the very least, you have no excuse not to check it out before you go back to pretending that “Cyanide” is a good song. Then skip after the jump for Sigh’s complete U.S. tour itinerary with Unexpect.

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So I’m a day late on this one, but when it comes to a band as cool as Sigh, better late than never.

Sigh have officially announced a September 2 release date for their aptly titled Venom tribute, A Tribute to Venom, via The End Records. A one-pressing-only limited edition will be available, with an LP with an etching as well as the CD. And, oh yeah, as if all of that wasn’t cool enough, Napalm Death’s Shane Embury and Brutal Truth’s Dan Lilker also make guest appearances on the album.

You know what? That cover art is fucking bad assed, man. What a perfect amalgamation of Sigh and Venom’s personalities. In fact, I wanna start a petition for that son of a bitch to be on a t-shirt, pronto. If the band managed to get that kind of sensibility into the music, too, this fucker is gonna slay.

Sigh are also gonna hit the road with Zimmer’s Hole (who are awesome) and Unexpect (who I don’t know but hear very good things about). Get tour dates after the jump.

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Holy crap, dude. Did you hear about this awesome new tour? It’s gonna be rad, dude. It’s Desaster with Throwdown, Airbourne, and Trivium are the headliners. It’s called the “Close Your Eyes” tour, ’cause if you close your eyes, you’ll think you’re at some awesome show with Venom, Pantera, AC/DC and Metallica. For reals, dude!

What’s that, dude? Oh, you don’t know Desaster? Yeah, they’re these totally smart black metal dudes. Like, while those chumps in Sigh were off recording a tribute to Venom, this band just made an album that sounds exactly like Venom – and they don’t have to pay any of the royalties! I know, dude, it’s totally sick, isn’t? Totes sicko.

Cool, dude. So I’ll see you at the show. And, hey, did I mention the best part? Each ticket comes with a free blindfold! WICKED!

(one and a half out of five horns)

-AR

Sigh’s Tribute to Venom, Sigh’s very cleverly titled tribute to, um, y’know, still doesn’t have an official release date – but it will apparently feature guest appearances by Napalm Death’s Shane Embury and Dan Lilker of Brutal Truth/Nuclear Assault fame. According to a statement released by Sigh front man Mirai Kawashima, Embury will play on the song “Witching Hour” while Lilker will appear on “Countess Bathory.”

Gee, I wish I’d known about this back when I interviewed Mirai about the album, for I most surely would have asked him about collaborating with these two super-cool dudes. Oh well. You should still read the interview, ’cause, y’know, I told you to.

ANYWAY, here’s some live footage of Sigh performing “Witching Hour” in Tokyo last year. Without Shane Embury. But still…

-AR

Since hearing last year’s Hangman’s Hymn (read my review here), Sigh have fast become one of MetalSucks’ favorite black metal acts. Now the band has recorded a tribute album to the legendary Venom – appropriately titled Sigh’s Tribute to Venom – that will be released on The End Records sometime in the late summer/early fall, just in time for the group’s U.S. tour with Zimmer’s Hole. So when I was offered the opportunity to be the very first music journalist to get to talk to vocalist/bassist/general mastermind Mirai Kawashima about the tribute album… well, naturally, I jumped at the chance.

This homage, Mirai tells us, is really an excuse to introduce the world to the band’s new saxophonist Mikannibal (pictured above, with Mirai), but for fans like me who want a new Sigh album so bad we can fuckin’ taste it, it will also tide us over until Sigh complete their new album of originals, Scenes from Hell/Tempore Belli/Vanitas.

After the jump, read Mirai’s thought’s on all things cover-related, plus a quick update on the new album, in this super duper exclusive interview.

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