People all around the world love the nature-defying, super power’d MetalSucks Mansion Monkeys. And really, aside from poop being flung around wildly, what’s not to love?

Why even this past Summer Hollywood unveiled its long in-the-works movie adaptation of the story of that one time Higgins organized a simian mutiny in San Francisco (starring James Franco as a young Kip Wingerschmidt and John Lithgow as crotchety, forgetful ol’ Axl Rosenberg):

And some of you may remember The Kids In The Hall’s parody of Vince Neilstein’s rampant threats to unleash the monkeys on the unsuspecting public:

But every once in a while one of our mega-intelligent fusion-lovin’ apes gets a little too big for his/her britches, and an example must be made before the rest follow in rebellious suit.  We started calling it “ironing the monkey” — the MS version of branding your cattle, and unsurprisingly it’s quite effective.

Here’s what you do: let an insignia-clad iron heat up to peak temperature, drag a misbehaving monkey out into the middle of the arena (cuz yeah of course we have a bona fide arena in the Mansion) whilst the others watch on in sheer panic and terror, and brand the little fucker on his/her hairy bum…  Our iron has a big protruding “MS” protruding on it, so if you see that stamped on the ass of a monkey you’re sodomizing, you know where to return the beast after you’ve finished.

We got the idea from this band, which very well may have gotten the idea for its name from this movie:

Circle of life.

-KW

Well, we’ve arrived at my last post I’ll be making here during my 24 hour take over of Metalsucks.net and this one’s gonna be a doozy.

Before I get started I’d like to extend a sincere thanks to Vince and Axl for allowing me to come into their home and ruin it A.C. Slater style. I really appreciate the opportunity and I hope I didn’t do too shitty of a job.

The contest rules said I could post any-fucking-thing I want but I’m really wondering if this last post will be the “exception” to that rule?!  I will say this, if this is posted in full I will have the utmost respect for Ben Umanov (a.k.a. Vince Neilstein) because he’s gonna have to swallow some pride by allowing it to happen.

Just to be clear I mean no disrespect by anything that follows, it’s just something I personally feel needs to be addressed.

On July 25th, Ash Avildsen-the owner of Sumerian Records-posted a blog expressing his opinion on the whole Spotify/Metalsucks situation that’s been brewing on this site as of late while also taking some pretty strong shots at Metalsucks.net’s owner, Vince Neilstein.  Readers of this site have continually asked for a response from Vince, yet he’s remained silent; something that’s completely unlike him to do.  I strongly feel that Ash’s opinion should be made available to as many people as possible though.  Why?  Because we’re in a time where label after label is failing along with hundreds of thousands of bands and management companies.  Not Sumerian though.  They continue to grow at a pretty alarming rate and I think there is something to be said for that; they must be doing something right.

As an avid reader/loyal fan of Metalsucks I used to dig how Vince would post on a certain topic and give his well thought-out opinion in a calm and collected manor.  A great example of this was when Ash created a video sharing his opinion on music piracy.  Metalsucks featured it in a story along with a very fair analysis of it by Vince where he shared his opinion on what he agreed with along with what he didn’t-all while maintaining a certain level of respect.  That’s what get’s my respect and is a HUGE reason why I love Bob Lefsetz.  He’ll voice his opinion on a topic then when he does his follow up “Mailbag” newsletter he is pretty 50/50 in including ones from readers fully on his side all the way to ones totally tearing him apart; even ones where they say he’s an asshole that doesn’t have a clue what he’s talking about.

With that said I think the whole Spotify debate that’s been raging on this site as of late has gotten really out of hand.  Vince almost seems to become enraged if someone doesn’t agree with his opinion on Spotify.  As the whole has progressed it’s seemed to be getting worse and I’ve started to think that he’s only posting interviews/opinions of others that are inline with his.  Yes, he’s posted responses from parties that disagree with him on the matter but they always seem to be ones that are really weak and easy for him to pick apart which of course makes it easy for him to come out looking completely right in the matter. With that said I think Ash’s blog was VERY well written and really provided some great insights into why it is important for labels to get revenue off of their bands music sales.  It was strong, concise, to the point, and was presented in a very easy to understand manor and I have a feeling that’s why Vince didn’t respond-it really called him out. Keep in mind they had no problem posting Ash’s response when it was attacking The Gauntlet.  Personally, I was anxiously awaiting what he’d have to say and was pretty bummed out when a response never came.

I do realize this is Vince’s site and he can do whatever the fuck he pleases but I also feel like there’s a certain responsibility that should be carried so you don’t come out looking like Fox News.  For many readers this is the ONLY site where they’re getting information on this whole Spotify thing and I strongly feel that they should be able to hear both sides perspectives so they can fairly form their own opinion on the matter.  After all, when a jury’s deciding which side to take in a trial wouldn’t it be a little unfair to the defense if the prosecution were the only ones allowed to make their case?

So first check out Ash’s entire blog which I’ve reposted below and after that you’ll find an interview I conducted with the man himself this week.  I had so many things I wanted to get his in-depth opinion on and he was kind enough to answer everything in full!

As for me, as I said in the beginning it’s my last post-I hope you enjoy it as well as everything else I posted today!  As for this post you may be asking yourself: is this the ultimate troll, a statement on unbiasedness, or a loving attempt at putting out the fire on those bridges?  I’ll let you decide…

Love your favorite guest writer in Metalsucks history,

Justin Gosnell

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Photos by Adam Haussman

My bosses at MetalSucks love me for my looks, but by now Vince (pictured here) and Axl (here) know that my dazzling physical gifts are accompanied by a lot of blown deadlines and indecipherable twaddle about the band Junkyard and drugs. To compensate, I help out with dropped assignments and try to do a really super job on the big stories that fall to the MS L.A. Bureau. Well I direct your attention to the word try in the previous sentence cuz for the last month or so [Seven weeks, Anso. But who's counting. -Ed.], I have been failing to produce even a coherent thought about the Between The Buried and Me/Cynic/Devin Townsend show back in January. I got zilch.

But it’s not my fucking fault. Stupid tour. It was too good.

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