It’s not exactly news that the once very hairy ’80s revival festival Rocklahoma has eschewed its roots for what’s best described as “Red state rock” or “flyover rock,” but every year when the lineup is announced I cry a little tear inside for the lineups that once were and the lineups that could have been. Since the epic fail that was Rocklahoma 2009, AEG Live has taken over the festival and revamped the format, and presumably it’s working, because this is the third year in a row the festival’s billing has featured bands that were big in the year 2000 instead of the ’80s modern bands. And for the first time ever (I think), there are even a few bands that readers of MetalSucks might enjoy.

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UPDATED:

Hey, so you what did you guys think of the idea I posited last week for a new band ranking system? Thanks to Jason from IKILLYA for pointing out the existence of NextBigSound.com, a cool site that aggregates a lot of the data I suggested be included in the ranking, namely social network stats and other Internet metrics. While NextBigSound allows account holders to enter their own Soundscan data, I’d love to see all those things — along with torrents, merch sales, etc — combined into a single chart that’s published once a week and accessible to the industry, much like Soundscan is now. The grand picture is so much bigger than album sales now more than ever, and I think that needs to be reflected in the main chart people analyze. For the most part, it seemed like you guys were into the idea even if you questioned its feasibility.

Anyway, this week is pretty depressing sales-wise. One look at the top six records on this week’s Current Hard Music chart should make any metalhead cry. Since there weren’t many notable new albums released last week and you surely don’t wanna just read about Nickelsuck, I also included numbers of some older albums from earlier in 2011 that are experiencing holiday sales bumps.

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Even though I don’t know any personally, I keep hearing that Volbeat have a lot of fans. And I’m guessing it’s true, based on how many albums they sell and the tours they get.

So those fans will probably be pretty bummed to read this message from the band:

“Volbeat has decided to part ways with Thomas Bredahl. Being in a band is in many ways similar to a marriage with ups and downs. At times you can work it out and sometimes you need to go separate ways…

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I’m going to put about as much effort into this introduction as Courtney Love puts into being coherent.

We begin our cinemetallic journey today with Arch/Matheos’ new, David Brodsky-directed video, for the song “Midnight Serenade.” It’s a pretty straight-forward dudes-performing-in-a-room-to-an-audience-of-who? video, but, like I said, it was directed by David Brodsky, so it looks fucking gorgeous. And the song ain’t bad, either. The video debuted at ultimate-guitar.tv; it’s not currently embeddable, but please enjoy the screen cap below, and click here to actually watch the thing.

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Last month it was confirmed that Gigantour would be back for a 2012 go-round shortly after Dave Mustaine let it slip that Megadeth would be touring with Motorhead, Volbeat and Lacuna Coil. Dates for the trek were released today, which you will find after the jump. But I’m still not sold on the idea of this tour as “Gigantour,” though; what’s so “gigantic” about it?

In 2005 and 2006, Gigantour’s first two years, the fest featured a two-stage / all-day format, not dissimilar to what Rockstar Mayhem does now and Ozzfest did back then. So how is the 2012 Gigantour any different than any Megadeth + special guests tour? The lineup is sweet, sure, but there’s nothing gigantic about this tour. As Axl claimed all the way back in January of 2008 when the Megadeth / In Flames / Bodom / High on Fire / Job For A Cowboy edition of Gigantour was announced, calling this thing “Gigantour” is false advertising. One’s thing for certain: with those bands on the bill the ticket price is certainly going to be gigantic.

I guess it all comes down to marketing; perhaps Mustaine and his handlers have discovered that they can sell more tickets with the Gigantour brand than they can with the Megadeth name atop a show flyer. If that’s the case, well, I guess they deserve a pat on the back for finding a clever way to get their fans to plunk down their hard-earned Benjamins when they otherwise might not.

Those tour dates after the jump:

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Last week Dave Mustaine let it slip that Megadeth would be touring with Motörhead, Volbeat, and Lacuna Coil “this year coming up,” and now Noisecreep has confirmed that that tour is, indeed, a go, and is, as we suspected, the newest incarnation of Gigantour. Of course, in a day and age where there are routinely massive multi-band package tours like Mayhem and Summer Slaughter, there’s really nothing gigantic about it, but, hey, the line-up is good enough that there’s no point nitpickin’ the name.

And the really good news is, the tour will apparently take place from January through March, so our concerns that this was gonna be yet another big summer tour are now eased, and we have something to look forward to in the cold winter months. Also, it’s a safe bet that Lacuna Coil’s Cristina Scabbia, who voice is good enough that she’s still in the band despite looking like the kid from Mask, will probably be doing “A Tout Le Monde” with Megadeth every night, and I’m all in favor of anything that will mean Dave Mustaine has to do less singing.

There are no dates yet, but we’ll let you know as soon as there are, natch.

-AR

Back in July, Dave Mustaine announced that he was bringing Gigantour back in 2012, and now, in an interview with Street Date (above – skip to the 3:00 mark), Mustaine claims that Megadeth will soon be touring with Motörhead, Volbeat, and Lacuna Coil “this year coming up.” That’s a pretty loose time frame ,so it’s not clear if he’s referring to Gigantour or just a regular Megadeth tour. Although, come to think of it, Gigantour hasn’t had a second stage since 2006, meaning it’s usually just been a four or five band package anyway, so, uh, I’m not really sure what would differentiate this from a “proper” Gigantour.

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Because Vince and I are lazy asses, we did not do any interviews on the Black Carpet at the Revolver Golden Gods Awards last week. In fact, I think we were both already kinda drunk by the time the whole thing started. So, yeah, Joan Rivers we ain’t.

But don’t be sad, ’cause our bro-bros at Metal Injection did rock the Black Carpet — in fact, on-camera personality Rob Pasbani even wore a shiny silver coat, which, I shit you not, was the hit of the party. (The amount of compliments he got on the thing was absurd.) And, as usual, the video report they’ve filed from the event is super-lulzy. Highlights include learning the hard way that Volbeat are good at sarcasm (Rob: “What kind of performance can we expect from you guys?” Volbeat: “A musical performance.”), Sebastian Bach practicing his future routine for stand-up in the Catskills (Baz, upon being asked to do a bumper for MI: “I don’t do bumps anymore.”), and Vince Neil proving that he is still the greatest interview subject in all of metaldom (Rob: “I feel like you guys are the definitive L.A. band.” Vince Neil: “Well, we’re from L.A.”).

Continuing in the tradition of last year’s awkward Metal Injection-Black Carpet screen cap, you can click the below still of Sasha Grey checking out Rob’s delicious ass to watch the entire report.

-AR

If one thing is clear from last week’s photo caption contest, it’s that none of you give a shit about Within Temptation. Sorry! But a winner we must chose, and that winner is:

• 6infinite6hatred6: “HOLY SHIT. Someone left the light on in the kitchen.”

We’ll try and do a little better with this week’s prize, although I’m honestly not sure how it’ll go over: a signed copy of Volbeat’s new album Beyond Hell / Above Heaven. Can you guys get down with that? I was on the fence about Volbeat too until I saw them live. So: leave a comment with the funniest caption to the photo below (from longtime reader Jake Haras). Remember to use a real email address (or post it with your comment if you’re using FB Connect).

Let’s just pretend that I wrote a clever intro and move directly to the matter at hand, shall we?

So. Despite the order of the band in my headline I am actually going to start with this video Gary Suarez sent us, for “Call to the Warrior” by the band Affiance. Why? Because it’s actually NOT terrible! I mean, clearly some thought went into it, and it’s well-made. It’s actually good enough that it makes me wish I liked the song more. I guess as far as twenty-fifth generation screamo/metalcore acts go, Affiance isn’t bad, but they’re not playing anything you haven’t heard before. I do kinda wonder if the vocalist can really hit those notes or not… if anyone checks out this band live, let me know.

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I never used to “get” Volbeat. I’d tried listening to their albums after multiple friends had recommended them and I’d been pounded in the head with their music by constant spins on WSOU… but nothing registered, like an old man trying to pop a woody in the sack despite the presence of the hottest young piece of ass you ever did see. “I used to be like you,” someone recently told me. “Until I saw them live.” She then proceded to make a pretty impassioned plea, the kind I’ve occasionally found myself making when I’m trying to convince a friend of something I just know they’ll like.

So I gave her the benefit of the doubt and went to see Volbeat live in NYC last week on the first date of their U.S. tour. And now totally I get it.

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So Revolver are doing their Golden Gods awards for the third year in a row on April 20 in L.A. (read our coverage from previous years here, here, here, and here) and the nominees have been announced.

Now, the first thing you will notice is that the nominees are more or less fairly ridiculous. For example, if these awards are to be believed, than Disturbed’s Dan Donegan is a better guitarist than Misha Mansoor, and Times of Grace (which is really just Killswitch Engage), We Are the Fallen (which is really just Evanescence), and The Damned Things (which is a supergroup) are all new bands.

That being said… I do not get particularly offended by these nominations the way I do with the Grammys. I think that’s because I know there are people who take the Grammys seriously, and think those awards actually mean something, whereas the only people who pay attention to the Golden Gods are already metal fans who either a) know that this is really just an excuse to throw an awesome party and have a big event promoting metal as a genre, or b) are eleven years old.

So check out the noms after the jump, and try not to get your panties in a twist. You should also be aware that Alice Cooper, Duff McKagan, DevilDriver, Asking Alexadria, Volbeat, and Fozzy are all performing, and that Motley Crue are getting the Ronnie James Dio Lifetime Achievement Award. (Their lifetime achievement: still being alive.)

So, about those nominees…

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With the holidays right around the corner — and all the best of, greatest hits and holiday comps that come therewith — this past Tuesday was the last big date for new album releases in 2010, though there are still a few stragglers coming down the pipe. The world of hard rock and metal made a big showing last week, with new releases from Underoath, Dio, Cradle of Filth, Oceano, Gwar, Helloween, Volbeat and a smattering of others making the Soundscan charts. Rankings, sales figures and commentary after the jump.

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Why am I writing this week’s “Worst Week” entirely in questions? Could it be to irritate you? Or am I just trying to keep myself amused at the end of the week?

Did you know we asked some other questions this week?

• Was Sergeant D. kidding when he said that there are only two good songs in Reign in Blood?
• Why did Dimmu Borgir change their album art post-release?
• What’s the big deal about Volbeat?
• Is Glenn Danzig actually perfectly reasonable?
• Is there anything better than a Devin Townsend show?
• Can Ozzy restore your sanity?

And have you asked yourself these questions as well?

• Did you know that we debuted new music by The Ocean, Dukatalon, and Gozu?
• Did you read Anso’s chat with Dave Wyndorf from Monster Magnet?
• Is Oderus’ advice column worse than Vinnie Paul’s? Do you agree with Doc Coyle’s assessments on the issue of European metal versus American metal? Do you find, as Eyal Levi does, that creative prison is for pussies? Is Greg Weeks imagining it, or does it smell like poop and onions right now?
• Did you buy the new album from Dallas Coyle’s Genetic? You know the money goes to cancer research, right?

Are you worried that I’ll still be doing this on Monday? Do you think I care?

-AR

The appeal of the Danish hard rock band Volbeat is almost completely lost on me. They’re certainly not the worst band out there, but their popularity seems to be ever-growing, and I can’t for the life of me figure out why. The music is pretty simple stuff, and, sure, it’s kinda catchy, but it’s not super-catchy. The vocals are just this side of moose rock. If their music played over the opening credits of an American Pie movie, no one would bat an eye.

I just don’t get it.

And now the band has released a boring-as-fuck video for the song “Heaven Nor Hell,” just to make extra-sure that I’m not convinced. So, uh, they’re performing in front of some upside down cars, and then the cars blow up, and then it rains tires, and…? What? What the fuck is happening? Is there a metaphor I’m missing? Did someone seriously think that raining tires would be cool? Was the lumber yard already booked that day? What’s going on here???

“Heaven Nor Hell” comes off of Volbeat’s latest, Beyond Hell/Above Heaven. The album is being released digitally this coming Tuesday, but not physically until December 15, I guess because the label wanted to ensure that no one would purchase a physical copy.

-AR

MetalSucks uber-Maniac Josh Kidd has recommended we check out Volbeat, whom he described as “Elvis metal.” (“Elviscore” would be inappropriate, since there’s no core whatsoever to the band’s sound.) I find that description about as enticing as the prospect of sitting through Metallica playing the entire St. Anger album live, but out of respect to Josh I did give Volbeat a listen, and, yeah, they’re not good. I hate Michael Poulsen’s vocals. Hate ‘em. It’s like someone took a moose rock singer and stuck him in a slightly more interesting band than, say, Nicklesuck or Theory of a Dead Suck or whatever. Not. For. Me.

Still, I don’t wish any will upon Mr. Poulson, who made headlines this week when he collapsed on-stage. Apparently the dude is okay and just has the flu or something, but still, that sucks.

Of course, it’s not gonna keep anybody from rubbernecking! So here’s video of the collapse. Skip to the 2:30 mark to see Poulson hit the stage (literally). And, by all means, feel free to tell me why I’m missing the mark on this band in our comments section below.

-AR

Lots of people have emailed us about Denmark’s rockabilly metallers Volbeat over the past several months, and lots of folks have told me in person how much they adore this band. I guess I think they’re pretty cool, though I certainly ain’t wowed, and this is the kind of band that perhaps is best appreciated live in concert.

Here’s their video for “Maybellene i Hofteholder” from the Guitar Gangsters & Cadillac Blood record which came out last year.

What does the MetalSucks Haterade Mafia think of Volbeat?

-VN