Before we begin today’s edition of “Cinemetal Round-up,” I’d like to address a comment left by the reader who calls himself “GoingDeaf?” after the last round-up:

“I find it hard to believe that these are the BEST new videos you have at your disposal. I’m all for shitting on bad bands with bad videos, but there HAS to be something of value for you to mix in from time to time for this column. It’s more fun to be a curmudgeon, sure, but balance can be good as well.”

GoingDeaf?, I gotta tell you, if I only posted these when there was “something of value to mix in,” I’d only post two or three of these a year. I post the videos I’m sent via press releases, or see on other metal sites. I’m not sitting on good videos just for the sake of being a curmudgeon; good videos do get made, but they’re very, very few and far between. So, uh, y’know, feel free to just not read these columns. Sorry, bud.

And with that out of the way, let’s watch the crap currently passing for metal videos.

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Heathenfest America, the not-Paganfest-monikered tour which is otherwise basically Paganfest for all intents and purposes, gets underway next week! Break out those viking hats and beer steins and get on out there to catch Eluveite, Belphegor, Alestorm (the superior pirate metal band), Vreid and Kivimetsan Druidi at what’s sure to be the best / dorkiest / drunkest show of the Fall. Full list of dates for the MetalSucks-sponsored trek after the jump.

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The headline says it all; isn’t that lineup awesome? It’s kind of like Paganfest except slightly less dorky / more evil (nothing against Paganfest — we love that tour too). We were bummed Eluveitie canceled this year’s Paganfest II appearance so we’re excited to see them again, and we’re all for a tour that includes blackened death metallers Belphegor and the better-of-the-two pirate metal bands, Alestorm. Kivimetsan Druidi and Vreid are mostly new to me but they seem like they’ll fit right in on this tour.

Honestly, this year’s Paganfest was a bit underwhelming so perhaps this is a chance for redemption. Korpiklaani shouldn’t have been headliners, and while the lineup was solid it wasn’t strong enough to bring out all the crazy pagan-metal partiers: I was the only douchebag in the entire place wearing a viking helmet, for realz. Seeing as Heathenfest kicks off in the dark, dim early days of November, maybe it’ll provide a good excuse for sun-deprived metalheads to go and get rowdy with some frosty brews and pagan metal. Psyched!

-VN

You know I’ve always been really grateful to Mr. Rosenberg and Mr. Neilstein for taking me under their wing and letting me write about the music I live for while never making a big deal about my disability. That’s right, everyone, I’m Canadian. Now I know a lot you free and brave folks might not understand my condition but let me just say that I’m not that different from you. Sure, I might talk a bit funny and worship a giant red leaf (oh and that green one, too), but MetalSucks has always been a tolerant organization that understands that Metal is for everybody. Whether you’re chugging Bud Lights (yuck) or Molsons, they both look the same on the way out in the alleyway after the show.

However, counteracting this side of me is my Norwegian heritage, which undoubtedly sourced my genetic predisposition to abrasive guitar noise played by pasty white dudes. Ahhh, it all makes sense now.

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