MetalSucks

Thanks to reader Brett S. for sending us this tidbit…

Sometimes when I listen to metal, I think “Hey, this is awesome. I bet if there were no screaming or blast beats and an orchestra were playing the music instead of loud, crunchy guitars, people would actually give this the respect it deserves.” I mean, there’s a clear connection between metal and classical music, so it’s not really that big of a stretch.

But I’ve never, ever had that thought while listening to “Seventeen.”

And yet Kip Winger – leader and namesake of the band Winger (duh), a hair metal outfit so wussy even I don’t like them – has composed an orchestral piece, which will be debuted by the Tuscon Symphony Orchestra in November.

And, oh yeah, Kip’s name is “C.F. Winger” now.

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Loyal MetalSucks Maniac Steve S. sent us an email a couple of weeks back with a link to this video, asking us, “Who the fuck is Reb Beach?”

Dear Steve,

FAIL. EPIC FAIL.

Sincerely,
Vince and Axl

Steve comes close to redeeming himself with the following observation: “the editing makes it all dramatic.” Indeed, Steve, indeedily-do. We still love ya.

-VN

MetalSucks’ own Kip Wingerschmidt and the ballerina turned cock rawk supahstah from whom he takes his name have more in common than a mutual love of getting stone on Saturdays. Turns out they both think Lars Ulrich drinks donkey semen, too. Ulrich can spotted in A Year and a Half in the Life of Metallica (Y’know, the less-famous Metallica documentary that doesn’t make you feel quite as embarrassed to like this band) throwing darts at a pull-out of Kip Winger; now, in an interview with C.C. Banana for Metal Sludge (IT’S ALIVE!!!!), Winger has decided to strike back at the diminutive Dane drummer. Asked if he has himself ever thrown darts at Ulrich’s photo, Winger responded:
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It may’ve happened 15 years ago, but where we come from there’s no shame in digging up old dirt as the intrepid reporters at Buzzgrinder have, right? In a mid-nineties interview with Kip Winger, the hirsute bassist/singer shared his hatred of Metallica, apparently brought on by an offensive clip in the “Nothing Else Matters” video in which Lars Ulrich is seen removing darts from a pinned-up poster of Winger:

That is why it’s the great irony that we ended up on that geeky guy’s shirt on Beavis & Butthead, because Metallica couldn’t play what we play, they couldn’t do it, they literally – technically couldn’t do it. And I’ll fucking challenge those chumps to a fight any day of the week, but we could play their music with our hands tied behind our back.

And here’s said video. Fast-forward to around the 2:55 mark for the good stuff.

-VN

Say what you will about Winger, but Reb Beach was one hell of a fucking guitarist, surely up there with Nuno Bettencourt in the late-hair-metal-era-EddieVanHalen-inspired-underrated-guitarists category. Beach took EVH’s fretboard tapping, Floyd Rose dive-bombing sound and upped the cheese factor to the next level. But the dude had undeniable skill and he’s still got it, as evidenced by this video of him performing in the Suhr Guitars booth at NAMM last week:

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And in case you doubt my assertion that he ever had it to begin with, take a look at this clip of Winger performing “Headed For a Heartbreak” live on MTV circa 1989. If you don’t have the patience, just fast-forward to the mammoth solo at 3:35. Oh… fuck… yeah! The thought of a nearly two-minute solo airing on MTV seems so distant these days… as does the thought of a five and a half minute song… as does a band performing live… as does rock music… as does any music…. sigh. But I digress. Watch this fucker go. The vid is after the jump.

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Sammy, this one’s for you. Rest assured, somewhere Stuart from Beavis and Butthead is throwing his horns in the air along with you.

-VN

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