Anyone who was unfortunate enough to have well-meaning-yet-clueless relatives knows the feeling of disappointment. After weeks of anticipation, staring at the shiny boxes under the Christmas tree and wondering what’s inside, you eagerly tear open your presents. What lies inside? GI Joes? Transformers?? A BB gun? A new Nintendo?!? Mind racing and adrenaline pumping, you open the first box and are brutally assaulted by reality: your hippie uncle got you some handmade, wooden train from his recent trip to Chile. And it only gets worse — grandma gave you a subscription to Highlights, and mom got you enough socks and underwear to last you through high school. Dejected, you retreat to your bedroom and pout while thinking about all the awesome presents the other kids must have gotten.

This is the same feeling I got all too often as a young metal fan in the late 80s/early 90s. Back then, without the internet, finding new bands was a real crapshoot — you really never knew what you were in for when you bought a new record unless you manged to catch them on Headbanger’s Ball. You did the best you could with what you had, but it wasn’t much to go on. Time and time again I was tricked by a cool logo, sweet cover art, or a name that sounded brutal — what I thought was going to be ass-ripping thrash or hardcore turned out to be dreadful hard rock, third-rate speed metal, or limp-wristed art rock. I tried so hard to be positive and enjoy the album that I had squandered my $8 on, but I just couldn’t do it.

In no particular order, here are a few of the dozens upon dozens of bands who I tried to like, but simply could not. What are yours??

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This is an epic, classic progressive rock masterpiece that doesn’t even really start til about 3 minutes in! But you’re well off being patient and getting down with this ultra-melodic legend…

Interesting factoid — shortly after the recording of this awesome 3-song album, drummer extraordinaire Bill Bruford left the band to join another little prog outfit known as KING CRIMSON. Yelp!

If you’ve never heard a song by Yes before, get yr head out of yr rectum and be sure to check out “Heart of the Sunrise” as well (which was one of the first-ever Saturday Songs To Get Stoned To).

Now go smoke that weed — just don’t buy any (even though I’m about to).

YES – “Close to the Edge”, from Close to the Edge (1972)

-KW

While all of you are pleasuring yourself to the sounds of the new album from Mastodon (a.k.a this generation’s Yes), I’m being the contrarian and spending some quality time with fresh tunes from Fucked Up. Indeed, the Canadian post-hardcore artistes are making the most out of this month, with two vinyl releases now available. The first is the 7″ single for No Epiphany, a stellar track off of The Chemistry of Common Life, one of my favorite albums of 2008. The B-side is a remix by noise popsters No Age, a band whose appeal I still can’t grasp. The more exciting release is the Year Of The Rat 12″, the latest installment in Fucked Up’s series based on Chinese astrology, released on the What’s Your Rupture label. The main event is the eleven minute title track, a raucous slab of punk fury elongated in a surprisingly natural way. On the flip is the killer “First Born”, a song that easily could have come from the same sessions as last year’s aforementioned album. If you can tear yourself away from Crack This Guy for 20 minutes, I’d recommend giving Fucked Up a try.

-GS

[Gary Suarez is not paying his hard-earned money for a proggy concept album about a paralyzed boy whose soul ascends into space, encounters Russian Orthodox mystics and subsequently enters the body of Rasputin. He also writes for Brainwashed and usually manages the consistently off-topic No Yoko No. Say, why don't you follow him on Twitter?]

We’ll dispense with the usual bullshit: chances are, you’re already familiar with Mastodon. They’ve been, inarguably, one of the most important metal bands of the 21st century thus far, and a band that we pretty much revere at MetalSucks.

We recently got the chance to interview bassist and co-vocalist Troy Sanders during some pre-show downtime at the Rockstar Mayhem Festival’s stop at Nassau Coliseum. Adorned in sweat pants and flip-flops and, by his own admission, fighting a hangover, Sanders was amicable as he led us into the band’s dressing room, offered us Gatorades, and then plopped down on the band’s cooler to get down to business. After the jump, read Sanders’ thoughts about playing in front of huge crowds that are by and large not at the show to see Mastodon, the band’s forthcoming new album, and, yes, even barbecuing.

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This review has been incredibly hard for me to sit down and write. Finally forcing myself to do so, I sat my ass down, pressed play on Protest the Hero’s latest album Fortress, and just sat listening without typing a word until halfway through the second song. Oh, I’ve listened to the whole album at least 10 times, probably more, all the way through. But Fortress is just so genre-defying, so outside the box, so off the wall, so virtuosic, progressive, heavy and melodic… us journalist types get all in a tizzy because we don’t know how to describe what Protest the Hero do. So let me start by describing it this way; fucking awesome. Protest the Hero incorporate every element of heavy music that I look for in a band while forging ahead in a direction completely their own, and Fortress is the strongest work to date of their young career making it an easy early contender for best metal album of 2008.

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This is the news that Axl, myself, and approximately 7 other guitar dorks worldwide have been eagerly awaiting. Steve Stevens — Billy Idol’s guitarist for years, Vince Neil’s guitarist on the Exposed album, and king Brooklyn Jew (birth name: Steve Schneider –take a look at that shnoz!) — will be releasing a new solo album, Memory Crash, on January 29th via Steve Vai’s Magna Carta record label. Doug Pinnick of King’s X makes a guest appearance lending his soulful voice to one track, as does Billy Idol / ex-Ozzy bassist Brian Tichy.

Those who have followed Steve Stevens closely over the years as I have — and I’m guessing there’s maybe one of you who has — know what an underrated and incredible guitarist he is. In addition to writing all those classic Idol riffs (“Rebel Yell,” “White Wedding,” etc etc etc), Stevens absolutely tore it up on Vince Neil’s Exposed record, his 1993 post-Motley solo debut. He wrote some amazing songs, and fuck did he ever go nuts on the guitar on that album. He’s also done a bunch of experimental stuff over the years (Bozzio / Levin / Stevens) and some studio work here and there.

Stevens says about the record, it’s “a journey through another dimension, It’s virtually musical cinema.” Citing influences such as prog-rock giants Pink Floyd, Yes, King Crimson, and Emerson, Lake & Palmer, he continues, “I’ve always loved that about the prog records, like Dark Side Of The Moon. You enter this little theater of the mind. It’s a true headphone experience.”

Cool.

-VN