bret-main.jpgWith the incredible success of The Dirt, I kind of assumed that every 80’s metal star in the world would wanna pump out an autobiography; I mean, really, most of the work is left to some poor “c0-writer” like Neil Strauss or Anthony Bozza, and there’s obviously a market for the finished product. But here we are, almost seven years after The Dirt was originally published, and it seems like we’re only now starting to get the influx of tell-alls I expected: just last year Nikki Sixx tried to hit the jackpot a second time with The Heroin Diaries while Slash took his first step towards a post-Velvet Revovler career with Slash, and now it’s been announced that we can all look forward to a tome from… Bret Michaels. A press release states:

“Not only can you see Michaels on Rock of Love this spring but you will also be able to read all about his life this fall when the singer’s much-anticipated autobiography is released by renowned publishing house Simon & Schuster.”

There’s no word on who is doing the real writing for Michaels – by God, I hope he’s not trying to write it himself – or when we can expect this literary masterpiece. But I do find the press releases assertion that Simon & Schuster is a “renowned publishing house” kinda hilarious. I mean, it’s certainly one of the bigger publishers out there, but it seems a little like saying “renowned record label Capitol” or something – most people probably aren’t paying attention to the label, they just wanna hear the album.

In any case, I’m not gonna lie, I will most likely read this book. Still, I wish more bands would follow The Dirt‘s model and do a Roshamon-like multiple-perspective telling of events. Because even though hearing Michaels talk about how crazy C.C. DeVille is might be fun, it won’t be as much fun as a chapter by DeVille in the same book disputing his insanity would be.


Metal Sucks Greatest Hits