THE RED CHORD BASSIST GREG WEEKS ANSWERS METALSUCKS’ COMPLETELY RETARDED QUESTIONSAt the beginning of April, just as genre-bending metal masters The Red Chord were kicking off a tour with Converge, Genghis Tron, Baroness and Coliseum, we were given the opportunity to e-mail bassist Greg Weeks some questions. Of course, we jumped at the chance.

And then we never heard back.

At the time, we assumed that Greg had decided our questions were just too stupid to answer (and who could blame the dude?); in fact, there was another culprit at fault for Greg’s delayed response.

After the jump, find out why it took Greg so long to get back to us, and read his thoughts on such incredibly relevant political topics as why no producer will work with the band more than once, touring with Disturbed, and the current state of large beards in metal. For, surely, this interview proves our journalistic integrity.

As you are probably aware, you are currently on tour with Converge, Genghis Tron, Baroness and Coliseum. Many people feel that this may, in fact, be the best package tour ever. Please explain why you agree or disagree?

Actually, I was on tour with those bands. Sadly, in recent times, I have been diagnosed with a rare disease called “laziness.” Don’t worry, it’s not contagious. It does, however, force me to put off important events such as interviews in order to sleep or watch tv. My apologies on taking way too long to get back to you fine people at MetalSucks. I’ve been heavily medicated with delicious ham egg and cheese subs from the deli down the street that pump me so full of energy that I now have the time and zest to comeplete not only this interview but any other task that the day brings. Long live calories!!!

Of all the bands you’re currently on tour with, who would win in a battle royale? Why?

If by “Battle Royale” you mean “dreamiest stud muffin contest,” then Genghis Tron wins.

If my sources are correct, you currently live in Brooklyn. How do you find the metal scene in NY to be? Does it suck? Would you rather play middle America?

Your sources are a wee bit off. I will never leave Boston for NY. The “scene” in NY is great I guess. We love playing NY. The shows are always fun there. As far as the middle of the country goes, the shows there are usually incredible. Us spoiled brats on the coasts get every show we’ve ever wanted and the poor kids that have never seen an ocean don’t so they make every effort to go to the shows. We’ve played shows that people have driven 5 hours to see. I wouldn’t drive 15 minutes to see a band. I love playing to middle America!!!

THE RED CHORD BASSIST GREG WEEKS ANSWERS METALSUCKS’ COMPLETELY RETARDED QUESTIONSThe Red Chord obviously writes a lot of crazy music that eschews traditional song structure. What is the writing process like in the band? We promise that this is the only serious question we will ask you during the entire interview.

We all get in a room and yell at each other about stupid shit and then painstakingly put riffs together even though it kills us a little bit each time. Writting for The Red Chord is like splitting your head open with a power drill. It seems like a good idea at the time but then you have months of pain and agony to follow. In the end you’re left with a great story and some time to relax with a bandage on your head.

Back when Prey for Eyes was first released, front man Guy Kozowyk told several press outlets that the album was written and recorded on a considerably faster schedule than you dudes are used to. Now that the album has been out for eight months, are you still happy with it?

Guy’s a liar. We spent a ton of time on this record. The writing took a bit because we’re super anal when it comes to that but yes, we ran out of time with the recording. I still love it. Eric Rachel did a killer job.

You’ve utilized a different producer for each of your albums. What is about you guys that makes you so horrible to work with that no one ever wants to produce for you again?

Probably for the same reasons we’ve had thirteen members. We argue, we each want it done our way, we smell, we curse, we bleed all over the place, I kicked someone, let’s eat, we yell, we hate the way other people breathe, cannon ball, kitchen craft, we ignore suggestions, we’re ugly and Santa was there, too.

The entire staffs of Decibel, Revolver, Metal Injection and MetalSucks are all drowning. You can only save the staff of one magazine or webzine. Who do you choose to save and why?

I would save Decibel because I’d want Chief Editor Albert Mudrian to see the Phillies lose again this year.

THE RED CHORD BASSIST GREG WEEKS ANSWERS METALSUCKS’ COMPLETELY RETARDED QUESTIONSAxl Rosenberg’s girlfriend insists that during “Send the Death Storm,” Guy is, in fact, screaming “Save the Death Star.” Pretending for a moment that she is correct, please let us know why the Death Star should be saved.

For starters there’s the Clerks reason, and that is that most of the people on the Death Star were hired to build it and they had nothing to do with the Empire. Other than that, I mean, it could blow up planets! We were toying with the idea of calling it “Send the Death Star” but chickened out at the last minute because we’re losers. [I don’t know if that last part is true or not, but it made my girlfriend very, very happy. – AR]

What is The Red Chord’s relationship to The Brown Note?

We have all learned it and often play it at shows so people crap themselves. We’re kind of into that whole “poo” scene. Let’s go ladies.

Now that you will fulfill your life long dream of touring with Disturbed this summer as part of the Rockstar Energy Drink Mayhem Festival, what could there possibly be left for The Red Chord to accomplish?

To join D-turbed on stage for a big band version of Boston’s “More Than a Feeling.” Man, I really hope that happens. We actually toured with them already on the old Ozzy festival. They were cool guys but I’m curious to see if they remember us. Also, I am linked to their bass player, John [Moyer]. He and I are both releasing signature series basses from the Traben bass company this summer (plug). Buy mine cuz he’s rich.

Do you dream in dog years?

No, I dream in people years. In fact, last night I had a dream I was at work, y’know, rocking it, and I met Dave Grohl. He was super nice and dug the band. In reality he’s never heard of us and if he did he’d probably hate it and I will never get to meet him. My life is dismal.

Now, to shift gears, some beardo questions:

THE RED CHORD BASSIST GREG WEEKS ANSWERS METALSUCKS’ COMPLETELY RETARDED QUESTIONSPlease describe the care routine for your beard. Do you just let it go willy-nilly, or do you shampoo/condition, brush/comb, or do any sort of grooming? If you use shampoo/conditioner, please include the brand and type in your answer.

I let it grow out all Brillo pad style with no concern for my own or anyone else’s safety. I could probably take an eye out with this bad boy. I do have white hairs growing in which I refuse to pluck because I’m 30 and I want the world to know I’m an old angry bearded jerk.

Do you trim your beard around the edges and stache, or do you believe that those who do so are beard-poseurs?

When I trim it with scissors or a hair trimmer. That’s why it always looks bad. A dude who trims his beard all perfect like also probably trims his eyebrows and ass. I let it all go baby.

Beards are definitely “in” right now in metal. Discuss.

Yeah, it kinda makes me want to shave. In my band before, during and probably after The Red Chord, Beyond the Sixth Seal, we had a rule about looking bad. We all grew beards and looked awful. I guess it carried over to TRC.

Do chicks dig the beard? Or is it mostly guys who come up to you and go, “Dude, AWESOME beard!”

Girls hate it and dudes love it. Sometimes I wish I was gay because the type of comments I get from men lead me to believe I could probably bed a lot of them. Man, I’d have some numbers then.

Jesus. Abraham Lincoln. Osama Bin Laden. Rick Rubin. Billy Gibbons. All men with very famous and unique, distinguishable beards. Are there any beard heroes you look up to? What is your “ideal” beard? How will your beard stand out and make a name for itself in the competitive world of beard-growing?

My dad “Big” Mike Weeks had a sick one when I was a kid. That probably inspired me a great deal. There’s a great picture in my parents room of the family and I’m about 7. My dad has a killer beard. I didn’t start growing mine till I was eight so I am bald faced in the pic.

-AR & VN

Visit The Red Chord on MySpace.

Check out Greg’s Traben signture bass here.

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