THIS BLOG ENTRY IS POTENTIALLY INCREDIBLY OFFENSIVE TO POLISH PEOPLE, OR ANYONE WHO RESPECTS POLISH PEOPLE
HOLY SHIT, THERE’S A BAND CALLED CRYSTAL VIPER.
And they look and sound more or less exactly the way you’d expect a band called Crystal Viper to look and sound.
Plus, they’re Polish, and their singer’s accent is so strong that at first I thought she was, in fact, singing in Polish.
(I know what you’re thinking. Does this make me a stoned idiot, or make the singer unintentionally hilarious? To which I say: Can’t it be a little of both?)
The singer’s name is Marta Gabriel, by the way, and the band’s MySpace page tells me she is “professional musician, 1st grade” (not “a professional musician,” mind you). I assume they mean she’s a been a professional musician since the 1st grade, but I suppose they could mean she’s a professional musician of the highest order. Again, the inadvertent hilarity of ESL.
Here are some other awesome things I learned about the band from reading their MySpace page:
- They has made at least one concept album, Curse of the Crystal Viper. Add the words Indiana Jones and the to the front of that, and you have a concept only slight less retarded than Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
- No one in the band has a particularly Polish or even Eastern European name… except for the drummer. His name is Golem. If you don’t know what a golem is, read this.
- The ten year old in me who was both afraid of and inexplicably drawn to Iron Maiden album covers loves this:
In all seriousness: I know I’m ragging on this band, but everything about this discovery makes me happy. They are living the dream, God bless ’em.
On a final note: Why are there no ice cubes in Poland? Because the little old lady who knew the recipe died.
-AR
