TEN THINGS I’D PREFER TO LISTEN TO INSTEAD OF THE NEW HELLYEAH ALBUM
I can’t believe that there’s going to be a new Hellyeah album. I honestly thought we’d be rid of this insipid band after one phoned-in cash-in. I guess I don’t have any real reason to be too upset though, as not only will I never ever never listen to this record, but I honestly don’t know anyone else who ever will either.
In any case, here are some things I’d rather hear than new “music” from Hellyeah:
- Vinnie Paul taking a huge dump.
- My parents fucking.
- Any given speech by George W. Bush.
- A member of Atreyu singing without the benefit of auto-tune.
- A lecture by Tripp Eisen on child rearing.
- Dane Cook attempting to be funny.
- The voice of that dude who played Jar Jar Binks.
- A conversation between two women over the age of eleven who enjoyed Twilight.
- Phil Anselmo talking about the importance of white pride.
- Anything by Pantera.