Ziltoidia Attaxx!!!



Many of you here know that I hate just about all of your crappy music. But I obviously have my roots. Here, I wish to go into great detail about my intense infatuation with the greatest guitarist ever. Some of you started with Iron Maiden, Metallica, or Black Sabbath. I started with the best metal band ever—Iced Earth. Iced Earth formed as Purgatory in the late 80s, and in the early 90s, changed their name and released their self-titled debut. As a lonely 12 year old with no hope in this cruel world, Jon Schaffer and his amazing band were my glimmer of light. Their debut album is at the very least an intense experience of both the mind and soul, and as a young, self-conscious lad, this album spoke to me in an infinite amount of ways. The masterful and creative guitarwork by Schaffer here set the foundation for all creative and progressive music that would ever be made. Each riff is impeccably and meticulously written, yet never overstays it’s welcome, soon transitioning into yet another riff of equal beauty.

I soon got the rest of Iced Earth’s discography, and to my joy, each and every song on each and every album was flowing with the same creative ingenuity. Simply put, Schaffer has absolutely mastered the art of writing amazing and technical riffs, and after all of these years, he still sounds like he’s been putting 100% effort into each and every song, never half-assing it or just letting a song plod on endlessly with the same idea he may have possibly used once or twice before. The man has standards, dammit! Because of his greatness and creativity, Iced Earth’s other albums are all unique, diverse, creative, and most importantly, refreshing in an otherwise stale metal scene. Some generic bands such as Gorguts, Demilich, and Atheist were fine with the plodding death metal that they had regurgitated so many times over, but Iced Earth is simply above all other bands in the creative aspect. Each album completely redefined what it meant to be metal, and as a result, they’ve been a beacon of hope in an otherwise stagnant genre of music. Schaffer’s vast array of different riffs and playing styles has simply left me beyond infatuated with the band. While most metal is shallow and pedantic, Iced Earth’s music is some of the deepest art in this world to be perfectly honest. Many of the world’s best metal bands (all from many different sub-genres) have been deeply inspired by Jon Schaffer and his creativity, such as Dragonforce, Cannibal Corpse, Sunn O))), Trivium, and Born of Osiris. Every day, I ask myself, “Where would the world be without Iced Earth?” Each time, I realize that the answer is simply, “nowhere.” Iced Earth’s contribution to the world of fine art should never be underestimated. Simply put, if you’re a pregnant mother, don’t put shitty classical music on for your yet-to-be-born child to hear. That’ll just dumb it down. Instead, be smart and put on Iced Earth. Expose it to true artistic genius. Jon Schaffer, you are the most creative man alive. I salute you.

For all of you out there, listen to this brilliant Iced Earth tribute that I found on youtube. The words that pop up on the video during the last minute or two are exactly how I feel about Iced Earth.


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