Cosmo Lee, Ph.D. of Invisible Oranges would like to know the following:

At what point do you tell a love interest/potential mate/significant other of your metal-ness?

It’s a great question, and one that I’ve struggled with before. Being a fan of metal is a lot different than being a fan of indie rock or country or pop… for the most part metal fans are really into metal to the point where it’s a lifestyle (in varying degrees). And as we all know, metal has a lot of stigmas attached to it that might turn off a potential love interest.

When I started dating MetalGF I wasn’t nearly as consumed by metal as I am now… at this point it’d be near impossible to conceal my identity as “metal blogger” for any amount of time at all, especially given that most people I meet these days are also involved with metal in some way. But I met MetalGF at the very infancy of this blog; I still had a day job and my work for MetalSucks only made up a small portion of what I did on a daily or weekly basis. I can’t remember exactly how long I waited to tell her of my “other” girlfriend, metal, but I definitely didn’t let her know right away.

After a month or two when I felt secure in our budding relationship, I broke the news over breakfast one morning. She was pretty surprised and a little taken aback, but she certainly didn’t hold it against me or judge as she’d already gotten to know me pretty well over the past several weeks. Months later she told me that she thought it was a good thing I waited to tell her of my metal-dom and that it might’ve freaked her out if I told her earlier. She barely knew what metal was or that it “still” existed (non-metal people always use this word, as if metal died after the ’80s), and even to this day is continually amazed by how huge metal is worldwide. She’ll never be a metalhead and still hates most of the music I listen to (long car rides are tough), but in the months and years since we’ve started dating she’s even grown to like a couple of metal bands.

What are your own personal experiences with metal and dating? If you’re like most metalhead guys (and let’s face, most metalheads are dudes) then you’ve had a tough time meeting chicks who share your music tastes and you’ve been forced to date people who don’t approve of or actively dislike your music choices. Did you wear your influences on your sleeve believing that any girl you date should be accepting of you right away, or did you hold back for a bit? For dudes like Axl and me who don’t look overtly metal it’s easier for us to keep that cat in the bag at first, but I’m sure this isn’t the case if  you’ve got long hair and sleeve tats. What about you metal chicas out there? Please share your experiences dating metal and non-metal dudes.


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