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DEFKLOK

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def-leppard-colour221-1There are two kinds of people who watch cartoons:

  1. Kids.
  2. Stoners.

And I don’t think either one would be interested in a Def Leppard cartoon series that depicts “the five members of the group in a fictional, adventurous setting.” But that’s not going to stop the band from pitching one to the networks.

Let’s break down why this is a terrible idea.

It’s 2009. Def Leppard can still draw crowds because they are the very definition of a “legacy act” – if I were them, I would just play “Pour Some Sugar on Me” for ninety minutes and then go home – so little kids are just not going to give a shit about this show. Not when they can be watching Those Mormon Virgin Brothers or Daughter of Country Singer With Two Personas, At Least One of Which May or May Not be Sleeping with Bret Michaels. Besides, are you really going to sell action figures of your one-armed drummer to little tykes? The only person who might possibly find that hilarious enough to purchase is, well, me.

Then there’s my people, the stoners. Def Leppard just do not have the wit to appeal to this demographic. They are never going to make fun of themselves, or write a new song as good as “Rock of Ages.” Which is why Metalocalypse already has the market cornered on us burn-outs. It’s on late, it’s violent, it’s funny, it barely makes sense, it’s easy to follow even if you missed an episode, it has celebrity cameos, and it has an awesome soundtrack. So, to bring it back to Rick Allen again, unless they’re gonna pull a South Park and rip off the drummer’s arm in new and interesting ways every week, this idea is D.O.A.

In conclusion: expect this show to hit the air roughly around the same time that Nine Inch Nails Year Zero series debuts on HBO.

-AR

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