Hipsters Out Of Metal!

STEEL PANTHER TO DICKWHIP YOUR TV?

60

Though Los Angeles is often described by its residents as a big expensive traffic jam (with sushi restaurants), there is more than enough awesome shit to make that attitude seem silly. Even for a modest metal head, L.A. is paradise: Every metal tour stops here (sometimes for multiple area shows), the sunshine forces you into a good mood, and every girl you meet is hot and vulnerable to flattery. So the mental and literal price tag to life here is already reasonable even before factoring in that the most entertaining band since Van Halen plays every single week. Steel Panther. Traffic schmaffic!

You may hate L.A. or Steel Panther or both (what’s your prob, btw), so let’s do a substitution exercise. Okay, just imagine it. You’re a Suckalo, so your favorite band is, um, Meshuggah/All That Remains/Asagaya Mouth Rapist/Bongbuilder/Pirate Taints/A Love Letter Screamed Bloody. Now picture yourself at their packed shows right down your street, partying the way you like to party with like-minded metalists. And guffawing your nads off! Pretty great, right? That’s the world I live in.

I cherish it! Actually, it’s only with great apprehension that I ever depart Steel Panther’s weekly House of Whites Blues shows. I don’t want to lose concentration and somehow break the magic spell. What if I turn my back and suddenly any trace of Steel Panther disappears like those epic cockblocks that plague fairy tale dudes like Beowulf and Cinderella. The horror!

Maybe something can help ease my worries and bring weekly S’Panther fun to the non-L.A. (or -Vegas) regions of the planet. But how?! Think, dammit! Think! Oh, hey, wow, what’s this press release here? Steel Panther TV, you say? SWISH!!!!!

Comedy Central has ordered a pilot of a loosely scripted docu-reality show which follows the members of Steel Panther as they attempt to bring back heavy metal. Tentatively titled Steel Panther, the show is created by comic Brian Posehn and Jeff Tremaine (Jackass).

“The focus throughout our development process is to find performers, writers, directors and producers that project a strong, unique comedic voice, and then help them actualize their vision in the most unfiltered manner possible,” said Kent Gettabona, head of original programming and production for Comedy Central. “With the current development slate, I think it’s safe to say we’re doing our part to end global hunger and foster world peace.”

Um, you had me there in the first paragraph. Then Prof. Superguy took over and broke my boner. Anyway, they don’t give us a ton of info here, but if I were in charge, you would assume that this pilot will feature a lot of boobs rubbing together and chubby guys jumping off drum risers. Guest experts might include Donnie Vie (songwriting workshop), David Coverdale (hair/pants/shaft-tapping tips), Nikki Sixx (myth-building) and C.C. DeVille (crack day). Bam! There’s my producer credit.

-ADF

Show Comments
Metal Sucks Greatest Hits