Hipsters Out Of Metal!



Man, Aerosmith guitarist Joe Perry is having a rough month. First, his arch-frenemy Steven Tyler finalized a spot on that TV show about pre-failures caterwauling hit songs while nervous. And this follows know-it-all beardo John Kalodner’s description of Perry as “completely wrong,” “jealous,” and “ultra-pissed off,” which supposes that Perry hoped that the AI judge seat was to be shared by the Toxic Talkshit Twins. Actually that would’ve been cute, every week Tyler perched gamely on Perry’s lap, stroking his abs while some featureless shriek-droid performs “Don’t Stop Believin’” to a theater of fame-wet spectators. Well, that’s what I dreamt last night anyway. Cough.

Anyhow, when Perry awoke and rolled off a pile of my money this morning, he was probably too crabby to just ignore the announcement that his band is the latest victim of an Atreyu Cover Version attack. It happened to Bon Jovi in 2004, when Atreyu launched an emo-guided missile of Twilight-level corniness at “You Give Love A Bad Name” (I complained all about it on The Deciblog). Then, an unapologetic lameness mine overturned both Faith No More’s “Epic” and “Clean Sheets” by The Descendents in 2008 and holy shit let’s not validate that type of ear-terrorism with discussion of any kind. (It never happened if everyone on Earth denies it. You fuckin’ deny that shit.)

And now here’s Perry and Tylerosmith, blindsided by a SCUD barrage of Atreyu-shaped suckiness via the forthcoming cover of “Livin’ On The Edge” (preview above), which undoubtedly rivals Disturbed’s “Land of Confusion” for most oh-shut-the-fuck-up socio-political sentiment ever set to music. The scary thing? Their “Livin’” appears on an all-covers EP featuring their puss-gay tourmates on tracks by Deftones (“My Own Summer”), Thin Lizzy (“The Boys Are Back In Town”), Dead Kennedys (“Holiday In Cambodia” with n-word) and more. Amazon’s got song clips but in the name of all that is sacred, do not click to hear them.


Atreyu’s Covers of the Damned is out October 12 on My Dead Heart records. Try to go deaf by then.

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