Green Eggs and Slam


  • Sergeant D

Earlier today I was listening to Sunn O)) on Youtube because I was trying to drown out some people around me who were being loud, and I came across this embarrassing video where some dork talks about how he saw them the other day. Not sure who he is or why he made this video, but he’s probably one of those guys with an azn fetish who lives in Brooklyn or Portland and has an MLS degree (but works as a waiter at some vegan bakery/cafe). In this video, he gushes about Sunn O)) for over ten minutes without taking a break — he got so worked up that I expected him to cum at any second. Cliffs:

  • Does that thing where you wear the band shirt you bought at the show the night before (without even washing it, so it’s still creased from where it was folded).
  • Notes that this review has “no jump cuts and no freaky-deaky crap.”
  • So overwhelmed by the show that he “was having difficulty just standing up straight and keeping my mouth closed. I had to close it and swallow my spit.”
  • Apparently has never been high: “I can imagine this to be like drugs, because you are just losing control over your body because of the sound. Parts of your body are numb and feel like they’re not there.”
  • Derisively remarks that “[t]hey made Jucifer look like a bad, bad joke — if you’ve ever seen Jucifer live, all their cabinets are garbage!” Notes that Sunn’s cabinets are of far higher quality and therefore “skullcrushing.”

I have never gone to one of these shows, but if they are full of people like this, I don’t think I ever will. This is also what I imagine the typical MetalSucks reader is like.

Do u like 2 drone??? Does Sunn O)) give u a semi? Does this guy read MetalSucks???? Does this video justify every snide joke I make about metal fans being basement-dwelling, socially-awkward outcasts??????????

-Sergeant D.

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