Hair Metal Happy Hour

NIKKI SIXX THINKS YOU’RE STUPID

260

So this Motley Crue/Poison/New York Dolls tour is really happening, and now Nikki Sixx has to do some backpedalin’, seeing as just a few years ago he declared that no band he’s in “would ever, ever tour with a fucking band like Poison,” because Poison are “fake bullshit.” Thing is, it’s hard to backpedal from a statement as definitive and aggressive as that one. So Nikki probably did the menschy thing and just came right out and said “Yeah, well that was then and this is now and the fans really want this tour and cha-ching!”, right?

Nope. Instead, he went on his radio show (oh yeah, someone gave Nikki a radio show) and said this:

“One of the things Motley Crue said was that we would never tour with Poison because we were sort of punk/heavy metal/glam, we came out of the very, very early ’80s and took what we did very… it was very important to us. And then bands came after us and we wanted to kind of separate from them. And we had never planned on touring with any of the bands from that era. There was no animosity — it was just that we put a very clear line. But when the Dolls signed on, it made it seem like it was the right time to do that this tour.”

So, I know a lot of Motley Crue fans are totally ree-rees, but not all Motley Crue fans are total ree-rees. So why does Nikki actually expect anyone to believe that there’s any reason for Motley to do this tour beside moolah? You called Poison “fake bullshit,” but now you’re claiming that you felt no animosity towards them? Do you know what the word “animosity” means, big boy? Besides, you just said that The Crue are only touring with Poison because of The New York Dolls. That’s not exactly, y’know, a nice thing to say.

It’s like he’s trying to salvage whatever street cred Motley Crue has left by continuing to distance the band from Poison. Thing is, if Motley Crue ever had street cred, they left it in a gutter somewhere a long, long time ago.

Nikki, baby: nobody thinks less of you for touring with Poison, ’cause nobody thought very highly of you in the first place. Lotsa hair metal fans — like Vince and myself — are actually stoked that you’re touring together. IT’S GONNA BE FUN! So just go with it, okay? No need to keep flingin’ bull crap at us. You can treat us like adults. We can handle it.

-AR

Metal Sucks Greatest Hits