WHAT YOUR FAVORITE METAL BAND SAYS ABOUT YOU, PART DEUX

Apparently, plagiarizing a concept executed far more effectively by an established humour site gets the LOL-age. So, in the spirit of McSweeney’s “What Your Favorite Classic Rock Band Says About You” epic parts 1 and 2, here are some more snappy answers to stupid questions. (Special preemptive thanks to John Peck for not suing me.)

Megadeth: Your political beliefs are as deep-seated as they are woefully uninformed.

Anthrax: You have a spot on your tongue where the taste buds have died.

Exodus: You’ve been wearing the same denim jacket since Clinton was President.

Judas Priest: Your favorite Batman movie stars Adam West.

Botch: Your favorite Batman movie stars Michael Keaton.

Whitechapel: Your favorite Batman movie stars George Clooney.

Job for a Cowboy: You inadvertently take to heart the proverb “dance like nobody’s watching.”

The Acacia Strain: You read the Frederick’s of Hollywood catalog for the articles.

Suicidal Tendencies: You knit. In secret.

Sepultura: You don’t know how all those Brazilian transsexual videos ended up on your hard drive.

Soulfly: You know how all those Brazilian transsexual videos ended up on your hard drive.

Cavalera Conspiracy: You’re a Brazilian transsexual.

Dream Theater: You have a strong opinion about the capital gains tax.

Burzum: Your career path appears to have indefinitely stalled at the “funployee” phase.

The Devin Townsend Project: You once got your hand caught in a pickle jar.

Strapping Young Lad: You once got your head caught in a pickle jar.

Municipal Waste: You single-handedly disproved the theory that feline AIDS couldn’t be transferred to humans.

Converge: You’ll get your revenge on that kid who took your lunch money in the 5th grade. Some day.

Hatebreed: You’re blissfully unaware that a Converge fan plans to exact his petty vengeance on you some day.

Isis: You’ve reached a remarkable epiphany about the transcendent qualities of heavy music, the hidden cosmic beauty lurking between the notes that softly electrifies the human soul and makes tremble the human heart.

Pelican: You’re just like a Isis fan, except a whole lot hairier.

Ill Nino: You’ve tried salvia and think it’s great. Just great, maaaan.

(həd) p.e.: You think 9/11 was an inside job.

Rage Against The Machine: You think 911 is a joke.

Limp Bizkit: You’re a joke.

-GS