WHAT YOUR FAVORITE METAL BAND SAYS ABOUT YOU, PART DEUX
Apparently, plagiarizing a concept executed far more effectively by an established humour site gets the LOL-age. So, in the spirit of McSweeney’s “What Your Favorite Classic Rock Band Says About You” epic parts 1 and 2, here are some more snappy answers to stupid questions. (Special preemptive thanks to John Peck for not suing me.)
Megadeth: Your political beliefs are as deep-seated as they are woefully uninformed.
Anthrax: You have a spot on your tongue where the taste buds have died.
Exodus: You’ve been wearing the same denim jacket since Clinton was President.
Judas Priest: Your favorite Batman movie stars Adam West.
Botch: Your favorite Batman movie stars Michael Keaton.
Whitechapel: Your favorite Batman movie stars George Clooney.
Job for a Cowboy: You inadvertently take to heart the proverb “dance like nobody’s watching.”
The Acacia Strain: You read the Frederick’s of Hollywood catalog for the articles.
Suicidal Tendencies: You knit. In secret.
Sepultura: You don’t know how all those Brazilian transsexual videos ended up on your hard drive.
Soulfly: You know how all those Brazilian transsexual videos ended up on your hard drive.
Cavalera Conspiracy: You’re a Brazilian transsexual.
Dream Theater: You have a strong opinion about the capital gains tax.
Burzum: Your career path appears to have indefinitely stalled at the “funployee” phase.
The Devin Townsend Project: You once got your hand caught in a pickle jar.
Strapping Young Lad: You once got your head caught in a pickle jar.
Municipal Waste: You single-handedly disproved the theory that feline AIDS couldn’t be transferred to humans.
Converge: You’ll get your revenge on that kid who took your lunch money in the 5th grade. Some day.
Hatebreed: You’re blissfully unaware that a Converge fan plans to exact his petty vengeance on you some day.
Isis: You’ve reached a remarkable epiphany about the transcendent qualities of heavy music, the hidden cosmic beauty lurking between the notes that softly electrifies the human soul and makes tremble the human heart.
Pelican: You’re just like a Isis fan, except a whole lot hairier.
Ill Nino: You’ve tried salvia and think it’s great. Just great, maaaan.
(həd) p.e.: You think 9/11 was an inside job.
Rage Against The Machine: You think 911 is a joke.
Limp Bizkit: You’re a joke.