Hipsters Out Of Metal!

SAMMY HAGAR YOU ARE PRECIOUS

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It’s no secret that Sammy Hagar is no super-brain, but I read his interviews lest they include some sort of hint to his achievement of mega-wealth. How, I ask myself every payday, does a bimbo like Hagar fall assbackwards into riches so throughly and regularly? He sold 40 million albums with Van Halen alone; his tequila and cantina ventures regularly reroute cash from dummies into the Hagar coffers; he’s in the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame and one of his jamz reached American Idol last week; even his garage door opener business is a winner. What is his secret? It’s love! Hagar told The Onion:

I’ve always been into writing love songs. I would rather sing about my love affair or about a woman or to a woman than [to] some guys any day. I’ve had my fill of ‘One Way To Rock’ or ‘I Can’t Drive 55.’ Those are guy songs to me, and I’m cool with that. But when you write a great love song and you start seeing that 50 percent of your audience is beautiful women, that’s much more rewarding, my friend, than having a bunch of guys out there. Trust me. So, I always liked a good love song and, you know, I dig being in love. Love is the shit, man.

This is truth, dudes, even coming from a guy who spent the remainder of the Q&A bullshitting about aliens, psychics, and how Montrose directly influenced a fledgling Van Halen. Fuck that jive but believe that, as Sammy states, love is the shit. And camaraderie is the fucking bomb. Fondness rocks too!

–ADF

Sammy Hagar’s new memoir Red is in its fourth week on the New York Times bestsellers list. Get it here cuz his publicist sure as fuck won’t send you one!

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