Not Quite Metal?



Every once in a while, I listen to, and enjoy, non-metal music. Currently, I’m being treated to the dulcet tones of The Best of Earth, Wind, and Fire, as my gentleman friend is attending their show soon and rubbing it in my face that I won’t be able to go. Bah, they got nothing on The Ohio Players. Hands up: who also thought “Love Rollercoaster” was an original RHCP song? Yeesh, I know. In my defense, the original came out a decade before I was even conceived.

Anyways, I also enjoy a lot of dance-y, electronic pop. Yes, I am a Lady Gaga fan. And I’m not the only metalhead with thinks so, either. She falls in that category of “Things metal folk like that you never would’ve guessed.” Like cute pictures of kitties, and Disney movies.

I was awake when Gaga’s new album came out at midnight (har har, my sister sent me a message when it was two minutes ‘til), so I bought it. I knew there was a song on it called “Heavy Metal Lover,” and I know that Gaga’s boyfriend is actually a metal fan. But reading the lyrics sealed the deal: not only did Lady Gaga write an ode to us metalheads, but she is one of us metalheads (one of us, one of us).

Check out some of the song’s lyrics if you don’t believe me:

I want your whiskey mouth all over my blonde south.

Booze and oral sex? Check.

Tonight bring all your friends,
Because a group does it better.

Gang bang? Check.

Dirty pony I can’t wait to hose you down,
You’ve got to earn your leather in this part of town.

Bestiality and the metal fabric of choice? Check.

Heavy metal lovers play,
Baby we were born this way.

Proclaiming what you are repeatedly and asserting you did it first? Check.

If it had screeching guitars instead of electronic synths, it would be a better hair metal song than most of the newer contributions from said field. Speaking of which, I also quite enjoy the simple yet catchy opening riff of “Electric Chapel.” It’s like a slowed-down version of Dokken’s “Turn On the Action!”


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