Everyone's Replaceable

ONLY INTERESTING MEMBER OF DR. ACULA NO LONGER IN DR. ACULA

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Hey, remember this guy from that Dr. Acula video I wrote about that one time?

Well, according to Lambgoat, his name is Joey Simpson, and he has quit the band. I would re-post his statement explaining his departure here, except it’s really long, really boring, and doesn’t really give any actual information on why he decided to he didn’t want to flip his keyboards for Dr. Acula any longer. Also, who fucking cares? Dr. Acula are terrible.

But here’s the thing: I think this is actually really bad news for Dr. Acula.

Because Dr. Acula are terrible, but they are not memorably terrible. I can’t for the life of me remember how the song in the video from which I crafted the above GIF went; whenever I’m reaching for an awful group to casually insult (for example, “If given no other choice, I’d rather sit through Eat Pray Love than listen to Oceano” — y’know, the kind of nonsense I write on a fairly regular basis), it almost never occurs to me to name Dr. Acula as that terrible band. And so they don’t even get all the free press we give to Korn, Winds of Plague, Emmure, etc. They are, in a very sad way, worse than bad — they are easily forgettable.

In fact, the only two things I ever remember about Dr. Acula are that 1) the phrase “Dr. Acula” is not an original joke, and 2) they made a video once where some idiot flips his keyboard, which also has the words “Sext Me” written on it, because dumb people have a very hard time not letting the world know that they are dumb.

And now the guy who is responsible for thing #2 is no longer in the band.

Sure, they can hire some other dude to flip keyboards with idiotic phrases written on them. Hell, they can even try to one-up WoP in the silliness department and hire a girl to flip keyboards with some idiotic phrases written on them. (If Dr. Acula could even vaguely imply that something with a vagina and boobs wrote a message even vaguely related to sex, I have little doubt that their popularity would increase a hundred fold.) But we’ll always know that the original keyboard-flipper is no longer in the band. That man will always be remembered for doing the first ever keyboard-flip.

That man was Joey Simpson.

-AR

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