Green Eggs and Slam


  • Sergeant D


I like to think of myself as a little more open-minded than the average metal fan. If you look at my Zune playlist, you’ll find everything from As I Lay Dying to Killswitch Engage, from Lamb of God to Pantera, right next to Chimaira and DevilDriver — a pretty diverse mix to say the least, right??! As you can see, I am always looking for new music, but at the same time my Zune only has a 512MB hard drive so I can’t just buy every new metal album on the Zune Marketplace!

With that in mind I need your help. I’m really excited to learn more about GRINDCORE and DOOM METAL, but tbh I don’t know a lot about either one and like I said I only have so much space on my Zune, so I am trying to choose which one I like better!

Which do you guys think is better, GRINDCORE or DOOM??? What are the best artists in each genre?? What exactly is the difference between the two????? Please add your comments to the discussion! (Just click on the “ADD A REPLY” button to add a comment)



From what I can tell, all GrindCore songs are basically this: a really really REALLY long sample from a porn or horror movie, then a really short song about buttholes, poop, cum, or some other grose subject. I think that kind of stuff is effing hilarious, so that is definitely a point in favor of GrindCore, but to be honest I don’t think many of the bands are good at writing songs!

I’m the kind of person who just says what I think and if people can’t handle it that’s THERE problem so I’ll just say what we are all thinking: why do GrindCore bands always play so fast?? Why can’t they have a few slow songs, or least some breakdowns every now and then??? Do they think it’s cool to be all, “ALL OUR SONGS ARE FAST OUR BAND IS NOT ACCESSIBLE, IF U DONT LIKE IT THEN UR A MAINSTREAMER WHO DOESNT LIKE EXTREME MUSICK”? I don’t care if it’s not the cool thing to say, I think GrindCore is too fast!

Meat Shits “Surgically Removed Vagina”– this song is about cutting a girl’s ‘vajayjay’ out and saving it (presumably so he can use it to fap later on). Like in one part it goes “I need more piss flaps / it makes me so excited / I shit out a stool.” Ummmm ok??! I guess that’s what people from Modesto are into lol. That’s kinda weird but whatever this song is sweet! #209

“Cock And Ball Torture” is one of the best grindcore bands I’ve found, because they have a lot of groove riffs like Lamb Of God, only with way more brutal vocals and the lyrics are not as dumb as LOG’s




IMO, doom is metal that is like half hippie, half emo. The hippie part is that their songs are really long and slow like the Doobie Brothers or Grateful Dead (probably because when you smoke a lot of weed you lose track of time and space out, so you think that playing the same riff for 10 minutes is a good idea). The emo part is how their lyrics are always about being sad, suiciding yourself and other stuff that overweight teenage girls with low self-esteem and My Chemical Romance tattoos are into. Is it considered cool to be chubby, smoke weed and write “dear diary”-style lyrics?? IDK :(

As far as the music, IMO the biggest problem with doom is the lack of dynamics. The songs are all sooooo long and I feel like they just kind of go on forever! Sometimes I am like OMFGGGGG WHEN IS THEIR GOING TO BE A BLAST BEAT?! I dunno I mean I like slow songs when they are done right (like Avenged Sevenfold or 18 Visions) but omgggg I feel like doom songs are never going to be over!!! Is that bad?? haha

IMO a band should be able to play at least 3.5 songs in 10 minutes, but don’t tell that to “Skepticism”!! They’re like “IF IT’S TOO LONG/BORING, UR TOO MAINSTREAM!!” Um ok but explain why this song couldn’t be like 25% as long as it is???

This song by The St Vituses is called “Born Too Late,” and it is about how he wishes that he was a hippie, and how people point and laugh at him because of the way he looks. IMO they probably just think he is a homeless person, and that his band sounds like bar rock.

Which sub-subgenre is better, ‘GRINDCORE’ or ‘DOOM METAL’??? Which is better, slow music or fast music??? Why don’t GrindCore bands play more breakdowns? Wouldn’t Doom Metal be like 1000x more awesome if it had more blast beats??????

-Sergeant D.

Sergeant D. plays breakdowns and blast beats every day at Stuff You Will Hate.

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