Green Eggs and Slam

HOW TO WRITE BREAKDOWNS WITH A DECK OF CARDS

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If you’re like most musicians these days, there are two big questions you struggle with. First, what are we trying to say with our brand/image: pretty boy party animals ala Asking Alexandria, srs brooding artists like Converge, ponytailed betas (Animals As Leaders), or what? And second, but more importantly, how are we going to come up with sick breakdowns that will end up on every YouTube “TOP 10 METALCORE BREAKDOWNS THAT GO HARD” video?

I’ll save the first question for another post, but if you’re stumped for breakdown ideas, look no further than this video by a band called ARBITER. It turns out that all you need is a deck of cards! While it’s clearly tongue-in-cheek, what makes this video so awesome is that it’s pure truth. The “advanced breakdown” at 4:30? Oh fuck yes!! You’re moshing!!!!

Will you use THE ARBITER METHOD next time you need to come up with an advanced-level breakdown?? Did they take the easy way out when they removed the 7s, 8s, and 9s from the deck? Which card represents “gang vocals shouting a controversial slogan before you break that shit down”???

-Sergeant D.

Sergeant D. writes advanced blog posts every day at Stuff You Will Hate.

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