DEFENDING DANZIG — THE FINAL DAY: MISCELLANEOUS
In honor of the Samhain season, MetalSucks is taking a fresh look at Danzig’s 11 most dubious distinctions. And we’re rendering judgment. And it all ends today. Click here for Part One: Misfortune. Click here for Part Two: Music. Click here for Part Three: Misfits.)
The problem with being an iconic musician: People start to pay attention to what you do outside the recording studio, beyond the stage. And if you’re popular long enough, next thing you know, people are hanging on your every word, and you can’t make it to the store and back without creating some kind of controversy.
Since he transitioned from a charting major-label act to heritage artist, some of Danzig’s most infamous incidents haven’t had anything to do with his music.
Incident #1: Danzig Shops
The Charge: Danzig Buys Kitty Litter.
The Case: Danzig found himself at the center of a classic internet-age non-controversy last year. A follower snapped pictures of the singer on his way out of the grocery store, carrying — gasp — kitty litter. The metal world collectively snickered at the apparently incongruous thought of Danzig scooping a box of clumping, odor-absorbing crystals.
As your pals at MetalSucks pointed out, Danzig was well within his rights to carry his groceries to his car. The infamously touchy singer even remained calm when discussing the nontroversy with Buzzgrinder.
And here are a few additional points: 1) Having a house that smells like cat pee is totally not metal. 2) There’s a long tradition of cats serving as familiars for occult figures. 3) Danzig’s cats are probably black cats. 4) Economy-size boxes of kitty litter are, like, 30 pounds. And look at the picture, he’s clearly carrying them effortlessly. That shit is heavy.
Verdict: Danzig Carrying Kitty Litter Isn’t Funny.
Addendum: But This Fake Video of Him Singing His Grocery List Sure As Shit Is.
Incident #2: Danzig Disses Chemo
The Charge: Danzig, Who Is Neither a Doctor Nor Plays One on TV, Has a Questionable Grasp on the Nature and Value of Modern Medicine.
The Case: Last year, talking to Vice, Danzig blasted the Western medical-industrial complex, claiming a nutritionist is a better alternative than chemo for a cancer patient. One of the more palatable quotes from the chat is, “Chemo radiation will kill you, and it’s not the way to heal your body from cancer. You need to make your body stronger.”
Now, we’ve listened to enough Krishnacore to know there’s a link between nutrition, the meat-heavy American diet, and health. And, yeah, doctors can rush to some questionable conclusions. But, dude, come on.
Verdict: We’ll Page Dr. Danzig If We Want a Good Shoulder Workout, Not A Second Opinion.
Incident #3: The Brick Pile
The Charge: Danzig Is a Bad Neighbor.
The Case: Danzig is renowned as a competent, hands-on businessman. As such, he was one of the first old-skool hardcore figures to buy a house. Casa Danzig has long been an integral part of his legend.
Even before the internet broke big, the D-Crib was rumored to be a dilapidated Los Angeles house with a dead tree in the yard. The advent of Google Earth and omnipresent cameras have revealed that the dark, overgrown homestead is nearly as atmospheric as we’d heard.
The internet confirmed a distinct feature: a long-neglected pile of bricks in the yard. Now, we haven’t been there, and we can’t confirm that it’s his house, but the iron bars sure look like the gate in this picture of Danzig washing his car.
Danzig has since reportedly cleaned up the bricks. And though he got all salty about it, keep in mind: A man’s home is his castle; this is America, and there’s nothing more aggravating than being told what to do with your personal property.
Any homeowner who has kids, a job, or a thriving indie rock/comic book business will tell you: It’s hard to keep up. If you have a home, I bet you need to rake your yard right now. If you still live in your parents’ house, quit dicking around on the internet and get to work.
Verdict: Not Guilty. Let He Who is Without Bricks Cast the First Stone.
What should Danzig have done with his personal and professional life? Let us know in the comments section!
Danzig: Legacy (featuring a guest spot by Doyle and songs from the Misfits, Samhain and Danzig) plays the Fun Fun Fun Fest in Austin, TX Friday, November 4, same day as Slayer and Cannibal Corpse. Go see that shit.
D.X. Ferris is the author of 33 1/3: Reign in Blood, the first English-language book about Slayer, which is available cheap in hard copies and for the Kindle machines. (He’s been know to send bonus swag in exchange for a proof of purchase.) You can friend it on the Facebook, or follow his bullshit daily on the Tweeters: @dxferris and @SlayerBook.