ATTACK ATTACK! ARE SO BORING NOW

Attack Attack! became well known in the modern metal scene for one reason and one reason only: they were a special brand of atrocious. In a way, that’s an achievement, because whatever else you could say about Attack Attack!, you can’t say that they weren’t unique. Everyone will remember the stupid fucking choreographed guitar-behind-the-head thing forever and all time. That’s not true for most scene bands, who will last in the memory about as long as cotton candy does in the mouth.

But then Rosie O’Donnell quit the band and Jesus told the guitar player that he should leave, too, and, well, I guess those guys really were important to Attack Attack! Because I just watched their new video, “Wretched,” on Noisecreep, and while it’s certainly terrible, it’s not terrible in a memorable way.

First, Not Rosie O’Donnell is screaming in the room from that one cool looking Korn video — y’know, with the bullet and the Todd McFarlane animation and shit? It was like one of the only neat things Korn ever did. But right away you should know, “Oh, shit, this is gonna be derivative and therefore boring, not innovative in its quest to induce the suicide of the listener/viewer.” And then there’s military suits and gas masks and scene jail bait and a deathcore breakdown, and then I just gave up.

Like, FUCK, Attack Attack!! Why’d you hafta get so lazy??? If you’re not careful, you’re gonna make it so it’s not even a joy for us to make fun of you anymore!

-AR