QUESTION OF THE WEEK: WHAT ALBUM WILL HIT YOU IN THE FACE WITH A LIMP DICK IN 2012? (or, WHAT IS YOUR LEAST ANTICIPATED ALBUM OF 2012?)
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Welcome to “Question of the Week,” a (not really at all) weekly debate amongst the MetalSucks staff regarding a recent hot button issue.
Following the not-necessarily-logical-but-certainly-MetalSucksian conclusion that we need to counteract our recent Albums That Will Fuck Your Face Off in 2012 series, in which we preview some albums coming out this year about which we are totally stoked, this week we asked our writers:
WHAT ALBUM WILL HIT YOU IN THE FACE WITH A LIMP DICK IN 2012?
Which is just a silly way of asking:
WHAT IS YOUR LEAST ANTICIPATED ALBUM OF 2012?
The MS staff’s answers after the jump!
Last year we had new releases from Korn, Limp Bizkit, Puddle of Mudd, Staind, 3 Doors Down, Winds of Plague, Shinedown, Theory of a Deadman, Chevelle, and Nickelback. After seeing that apocalypse-triggering lineup, I welcome all new releases with open and eager arms, seeing as I don’t think you can get much worse than that list. At least until I remember that a new Attack Attack! album is coming out.
Ministry’s Relapse. It seems Al Jourgensen aims to return to the world of music making after “retiring” Ministry in a fashion so comical and insulting to fans it would make Ozzy himself blush, were he coherent enough to do so. Though the seminal industrial metal band had shown signs of fatigue as early as the late 90s, the departure of Paul Barker sent the band into a dizzying spiral of cheap political megalomania and ever-diminishing musical returns. Devolving further into farce, the final C-U-LaTour–presented as a Greatest Hits go-round but turned into a self-indulgent showcase of late-period material — soured even die-hards.
Much has happened since 2008, but clearly the cash has run out and, like all middling legacy acts, Ministry must return, even as a caricature of itself, populated with earnest hired guns, to make that paper. Despite Jourgensen’s insistence that he’s kicked his various habits, the new album Relapse boasts a druggy title and with it an all-too familiar series of well-trod themes. For his sake, he best hope that his American fans have a short memory and that the European festival circuit pays well.
Lamb of God’s Resolution. Seriously, who gives a fuck anymore? Their last album was uber-boring and super derivative of their earlier work, and despite Randy’s claim that the new one would be better, the first single is almost identical to so many of the band’s prior songs. Now maybe they just released the most obvious track to rope in their fan base, but I, for one, am incredibly skeptical. Brings half a metal tear to my wandering eye. Oh well, next!
Apparently Coal Chamber have reformed, so any reissue (or, god forbid, new material) they excrete into the atmosphere will surely disappoint both the five angsty mental teenagers who still care and the entire heavy music community as a whole. They’ll probably get a massive recording advance and slavishly positive coverage in every rock/metal publication, too (“The Legends Return!”) — I’m sure a cover story or two is already in the works. Then, they’ll hit the road on an arena tour with Staind, Kittie, and a handful of other nu-metal refugees, inexplicably pack venues, and once their sadistic lust has been sated, hopefully retreat back to the wretched pit from whence they came.
Life’s too short to hate. Conversely, life’s too short to get excited by new albums from any of these bands: Metallica, Queensryche, DragonForce, Bullet For My Valentine, or Ghost. I prefer to focus on the (hopefully) good shit that will come out this year such as Down, Cobalt, Horned Almighty, COC, Watchtower, Deeds of Flesh, Infestus, Aosoth, Testament, Treponem Pal, St. Vitus, Trouble, Ulcerate, Nachtmystium, Aura Noir, Pelican, Ulcerate, etc.
My answer can be summed up thusly:
Okay, kiddies, now it’s your turn! Weigh in with your answer to the question of the week below.