I’m gonna put about as much effort into the introduction as Danny Worsnop puts into being sober when he performs.

We begin today with Ministry’s video for “99 Percenters.” This massively budgeted clip is notable not only for its incredible state of the art production techniques, but also for the manner in which it subtlety conveys its message. Viewers are really gonna have concentrate and think about what Al Jourgensen and company are saying with this clip, and it’s sure to inspire a lot of lively debate regarding the ambiguity of its theme.

We continue with Demon Hunter’s video for “My Destiny,” in which Demon Hunter star as 3 Inches of Blood. They play in a garage while some bored teenagers act like bored teenagers, and then an almost complete misunderstanding of Plato’s “The Allegory of the Cave” is demonstrated, and then it just ends. Really, it’s a very exciting clip, as long as you’re already in a coma.

Moving right along… Paradise Lost’s video for “Honesty in Death” is about as understated as the above Ministry clip. But on the plus side, it doesn’t look like dog shit, and at no point do you see Al Jourgensen’s face. So it has that going for it.

Next up is Wretched’s new video, for “Dilated Disappointment.” I haven’t been the biggest fan of this band in the past, but this song isn’t at all terrible, and the visuals in the clip are actually pretty cool. In fact, I have nothing sarcastic or mean to say about this video. I feel so lost and unsure of my place in the world!

And we conclude today with Rise to Remain’s video for “The Talking Whisper.” And I really don’t have anything sarcastic or mean to say about this clip, either. Not because I think it’s pretty good like the Wretched video, mind you — but because I turned it off as soon as Bruce Dickinson’s son started singing and I realized this would minutes of my life I could never get back. Oh… so I guess I have something mean to say after all. LIFE HAS A PURPOSE AGAIN!!!


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