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Varg Vikernes and His Wife Have Produced the Most Enthralling Movie of All Time

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Varg Vikernes and His Wife Have Produced the Most Enthralling Movie of All Time
Translation: “Movie is shit.”

Varg Vikernes is overflowing with hatred for other races creativity. Which explains why all of his pre-existing artistic endeavors — making music, creating a table-top RPG, and designing his own fashion line—  aren’t enough to keep the man satisfied. Don’t forget that Varg was in prison for a relatively short amount of time given that he stabbed a man over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again! He needs to make up for lost time.

So, here’s his latest contribution to humanity: ForeBears, a film he made with his wife, Marie Cachet. Cachet describes the project as “an amateur and experimental motion film about the prehistoric Bear Cult and the Neanderthal case,” as opposed to the professional non-motion film about the prehistoric Bear Cult and the Neanderthal case, I Think BearFore I Am. She continues:

“To summarize the story, Varg Vikernes is thinking and discovers bit by bit what happened before. A kind of journey in reverse through time and in thought, to prehistoric time (about 30 000 BC), up to a previous life when he was a little boy. Through what he lives again in this little boy, he understands the meaning of certain essential rituals of that prehistoric time, that still have a major influence on modern habits.”

If we disregard the insidious implications of Vikernes making a movie about the heritage of the kids from Village of the Damned, the movie actually looks like a surefire winner. As the success of the popular Think Hard and Lethal Thinker franchises prove, there is nothing more cinematic than watching someone think. The trailer (which is TEN-AND-A-HALF MINUTES LONG for some goddamn reason) looks kinda like Werner Herzog’s Cave of Forgotten Dreams if it had been directed by Terrence Malick, and Terrence Malick constantly sharted and dribbled all over himself, or maybe a Travel Channel pilot as filmed by the Hank Azaria character from Godzilla. It’s apparently going to come out on DVD in March, and I don’t about you, but I for one can totally wait. I mean, I’d rather watch the director’s commentary for this.

[via No Clean Singing]

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