Question Of The Week: Fappy Holidaze
This holiday season, each of us will be stuck in cars, on planes, and at dinner tables all staring into space. For even full-impact merriment and loving exchanges of swag come with downtime, prep time, and general lingering, right? Now usually you’d run to us (and us to you) here at MetalSucks to fill that time with fun and fury — but along with the rest of metal, MS is about to quiet down til 2014. Aw nuts!
Look on the bright side: Now there’s surplus time needed to get into impenetrable jams, to run around the woods listening to Immortal, and/or to drug yourself stupid! Or even to make a clean break with 2013’s metal …
Inspired by the freedom of separation and its way of making the heart grow fonder, we asked our staff:
Besides re-read old MetalSucks (Axl rulz), what should we all do to fill our spare time over the holidays? What’s the jam?
Let’s wring every drop of fun from this soggy mess of a season! Comment below, then have an awesome holiday and new year!
DAVID LEE ROTHMUND
What should you do without MetalSucks? You should do without metal. That’s right. This holiday season, don’t listen to any metal (like without us what are ya gonna do, haha right?). No black metal. No djent. No prog. No fist-slam-crab-fuck-core. I bitched (here) about how Daft Punk’s Random Access Memories was the second best album this year, so follow that vein and discover some non-metal jams which still give you those metal frisson feels. If you already have some of those jams, jam them until you can’t jam any longer and then go back to metal. See if you can make it to New Year’s! And then your New Year’s resolution will be: “Fuck that shit, back to metal.”
Listen to no metal all. Which for me usually means a dance party consisting of some combination of Robyn (who is writing again!! yay!!!), Chromeo, Chvrches and anything else with a groovy beat and keyboards. Also Wintergatan my favorite overall album 2013 and perfect music for, um, winter.
What else — get fat! Get fat as fuck. This is the time of year when the cold, grim hand of the Reaper descends upon us, but that bastard won’t be able to hold onto you if you’re coated in butter. Make cookies, pies, layer bars, fudge. You ever made fudge, dude? It’s incredible. Mostly marshmallow fluff. You gotta wait for that rolling boil, though. Eat the Seven Fishes on Christmas Eve, then add two more fishes, plus baked ziti, roasted turkey, and a ham. Have brunch every day. Drink every seasonal beer you can find. Drink a ton of eggnog, loaded with rum or bourbon. Feeling full? Smoke a ton of weed and get the munchies hard, then raid mom and dad’s fridge while they’re asleep and gorge. When you fart, a little stuffing should come out. Fuck your heart, brain, or sexual attractiveness, that’s what New Year’s Resolutions are for. For now, make an absolute glutton of yourself.
I hate the holidays, so frankly I’m stoked I’ll be working my ass off throughout (at a new job that I love, so yay). But I need to get back into painting ASA(fucking)P. It’s cathartic, I don’t suck at it, and who knows? Maybe I can sell a piece or two at some point ;)
On the 25th, watch NBA basketball from noon to midnight, then party wildly from midnight to noon! It’s called the “Allin/Iverson.”
I am going to go see American Hustle and drool over Jennifer Lawrence like a sensible person.
There are two ways I survive the holidays: 1) Drink scotch. It’s great because you can do it in airports, you can do it at home, you can even do it with your parents (it’s totally sophisticated, right?) and best of all, you can do it too much in your hometown bar and come back with a great, victorious, and embarrassing story. And 2) Eat. It’s vacation, right? Eat whatever food you miss from home. Personally, I’ll be eating In-N-Out Burger and authentic Mexican burritos in California. Catch ya on the flipside.