Green Eggs and Slam

How music nerds decide when it is ok to liek poser bands: scientific analysis

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this is metal

Unlike most of u, I have been a sophisticated metal fan for over two decades now. As such, I’ve pretty much seen it all. I’ve seen trends come and go — from the cool ones like 808 drops to the embarrassing ones like early 90s funk metal. But nothing is more embarrassing and funny than when a band that was previously despised for being trendy poser crap suddenly turns the corner and becomes accepted as Real Music. I’ve seen it happen a million times before, but the mental gymnastics that music dorks will go through to justify their fickle and arbitrary tastes are never not funny to me.

The basic model is this: whatever u liked when u were 14-17 is what u consider “Real Music.” U consider anything that comes out after ur, say, 23 “trendy garbage for stupid little kids”– not because it is bad, but because u are now a clueless old person who has lost touch with contemporary youth culture. So there is an endless cycle in which the “trendy garbage” of yesteryear becomes the “classics” of tomorrow, forever and ever. A few examples of how this has played across various genres of heavy music over the years:

nu metal

Fig 1: nu-metal

The most obvious example of this is nu-metal. Specifically, that it is not only socially acceptable these days to like bands such as SLIPKNOT, LINKIN PARK and MUDVAYNE, but you’re kind of considered a poser if u *don’t*! In fact, I’m betting that someone will show up in the comments who is butthurt that I’m “blaming slipknot for garbage like Of Mice & Men,” or “lumping Slipknot in with crap like Korn.” This is baffling and hilarious to anyone older than 18, because they will remember that just 5-10 years ago, SLIPKNOT were violently hated by Real Metal fans– the same Real Metal fans that hate on OM&M these days. But if u read Metal Sucks in 2025, I guarantee that the commenters will be talking about how “bands these days suck and don’t hold a candle to the REAL metal bands from back in the day like OF MICE & MEN.”

This is happening across the board to what’s left of the Myspace generation of -core bands. For example, SUISIDE SILENCE and BMTH are on the verge of being accepted as Real Metal — watch as the transformation happens before your eyes and laugh as Tr00 Metal fans reverse their opinions in real time!!

post hc

fig 2: post-hardcore

The same dynamic applies to what the kids these days call “post-hardcore.” Scene veterans like myself will recall how THURSDAY were universally hated when they came out, only to be hailed as heroes a generation later by the post-hardcore bands of today (CHIODOS, DANCE GAVIN DANCE, etc). While everyone these days (including me) thinks of CHIODOS as terrible music for posers, I can only assume that within a decade or so they will be considered Real Post-Hardcore by the nu-emo kids of the ’20s and inspire a future generation of bands that will start a whole new cycle of the “what was once seen as disposable trendy crap suddenly becomes regarded as Real Music” thing.

pop punk

fig 3: pop punk

If u were around in the mid-to-late 90s like I was, u will remember that NFG and BLINK were “fake-ass mallpunk for suburban brats who watch MTV.” By contrast, in 2014 these bands are regarded as ‘seminal pop-punx’ and it’s probably only a matter of time until some egghead from The Village Voice writes a coffee table book about them full of black and white pictures and overly-intellectual explanations of the fart jokes in their lyrics.

NFG and BLINK spawned ADTR, and so the cycle will continue: ADTR will become “Real Pop Punk” when the next generation of “trendy poser crap” pop-punk bands of 2020 cite them as an influence, and so on ad infinitum. The circle of scene life eats itself, like a Vans-clad uruboros. It is very postmodern.

CONCLUSIONS & DISCUSSION
Please do not nitpick the details with me. Do not be liek “but saaaaarge Korn wasn’t considered Real Music until 2010 not 2009.” That is not the point. The point is to see the big picture: the endless cycle in which yesterday’s “trendy crap for posers” is tomorrow’s “legendary pioneers,” and to understand that it is only a matter of time before the bands that u hate are seen as legitimate.

When u insist on blurting out ur excessively strong, negative opinions on newer bands, u do not come off as ‘someone who really knows their s**t,’ u come off like one of those grown-ass men who make embarrassing posts on facebook in which they scream about how mad they are over the fact that justin bieber exists. Because no matter how stupid and lulzy and crappy the band may seem today, it is 100% certain that ppl will one day think they are “legendary.” I mean, ppl on this site take that old nu-metal band DEFTONES seriously lol — if that’s not proof idk what is!!

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