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Poison’s Bret Michaels Offers Relationship Advice: “Relate, Communicate, and Fornicate”


Bret Michaels Valentine

Bret Michaels has been the star of not one, not two, but THREE reality shows about his quest to find a soulmate, called off an engagement with his baby mama after they were already on-again-off-again for sixteen years, and been the penis in one of two Pamela Anderson sex tapes. I think you get my point: this is the kind of guy you wanna go to for relationship advice.

And Bret gives GREAT advice. For example, I remember this one time, I was having problems with my then-girlfriend, and my dad was like, “Y’know, I’ve been with your mother for almost forty years. Would you like to know what I’ve learned?”, and I was like, “Fuck you, dad! I don’t give a fuck what you think you know. You’ve never been on a reality show where cheap-to-mid-priced prostitutes compete for your attention (at least until next season).” So I called up Bret instead and was like “Yo dude, what should I do?” and Bret volunteered to act as my own personal Cyrano, that mensch. Long story short: my girlfriend dumped me, and I got crabs. THANKS, BRET!

What’s that you say? You don’t have Bret Michaels’ personal cell number? Well, fret not — you don’t need to go to any of the happily-married schmoes in your family for help figuring how to handle your romantic dilemmas. ‘Cause Bret was recently interviewed by Kindle Love Stories, because Bret wrote a book that might actually come out some day, and that book features the word “love” multiple times. So now all you gotta do is watch this video and SHAZAAM!, you, too, can be a bonafide Don Juan. Enjoy!

In related news, Dino Cazares has just announced an interview with Kindle Fitness to discuss dieting.

[via Bring Back Glam!]

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