Cinemetal

Poll: Is Memphis May Fire’s “No Ordinary Love” the Stupidest Music Video of All Time?

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Memphis May Fire - No Ordinary Love

I feel as though I’ve just been lobotomized.

Filmmaker Maria Juranic has done some really incredible work in the past. So I’m totally baffled as to how Memphis May Fire’s new video, “No Ordinary Love,” ended up being such a confusing mishmosh of total nonsense. I can’t make heads or tales of this thing. Here, watch it for yourself:

Whoops, wrong video. Here’s the actual clip:

Okay. Now, let’s review the narrative of the video, shall we?

  1. A Little Boy hangs out with a Janitor. There is absolutely no indication that they are father and son.
  2. The Little Boy rides in the car with the Janitor. Because this is a metal video, the Janitor’s loving looks towards the Little Boy may be interpreted as being lascivious. In any case, we then see the Janitor get out of the car, I guess so that we know they didn’t stay in the car forever. There is absolutely no other reason for this shot to be in the clip.
  3. The Little Boy and the Janitor hang out on a bed, further suggesting that this relationship may be less-than-pure. They play cards (this will be important later). Also, for some reason that bed is outdoors.
  4. The Little Boy grows into a Grumpy Teen who now ignores his Janitor father in the school hallways instead of distracting him with his toy plane or whatever.
  5. Grumpy Teen steals money from Janitor.
  6. Janitor goes to buy some milk, but realizes he has no money in his wallet. White Lady behind the counter who seemed so friendly a second ago glares at him judgmentally. This is either the one bodega in America that doesn’t have an ATM, or otherwise the Janitor must be broke, because not having cash to buy milk is played off like it’s a really massive bummer. I mean, there’s no one else in the store, so it’s not like he’s holding up a line or anything. I get that it sucks that your kid is taking money from you, but why play the scene as though this were Strindberg or something?
  7. Grumpy Teen uses money to get booze to go drink in the woods with his friends, just like every American teenager has done at some point in the history of the legal drinking age. They also play cards (this will still be important later).
  8. Grumpy Teen gets into a fight with Bruh over Girl because they’ve never heard of “bros before hoes.”  Grumpy Teen gets his ass beat.
  9. Janitor’s house turns into the fucking Exorcist and shit. He doesn’t freak out like “OMG SHIT IS FLYING ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?!” the way any normal person would. In fact, he sleeps through the entire goddamn thing. And yet somehow, this leads him to realize he should go look for Grumpy Teen.
  10. Somehow, Janitor knows exactly where to look for Grumpy Teen. (Maybe there’s one popular spot in the middle of the woods where the teenagers ALWAYS go to get fucked-up, and even though the fact that their parents now know about this location, thereby rendering it completely useless, they continue to go there because they are the dumbest people in the world.) He ultimately locates his son’s precise location because he finds playing cards scattered on the ground, and — GASP!!! — they were playing cards earlier in the video!!! So meaningful!
  11. Janitor helps Grumpy Teen to his feet.
  12. Fin.

WHAT THE SWEET MOTHER OF FUCK. WHAT THE SWEET MOTHER OF FUCKING FUCK.

That may have been the stupidest music video I’ve ever seen. Which is really saying something.

So… do you agree?

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