The Webernets

A Lot of Fans Wanna Call Ozzy Osbourne “Sir”

  • Axl Rosenberg

Sir Ozzy

Here’s a question which never crossed my mind before today: “Why hasn’t Ozzy Osbourne been knighted?” Now, granted, in part I never thought about this issue before because I don’t devote a lot (or any, really) of time to thinking about which culturally-significant Brit will be knighted next. But in part it’s because, well… did anyone ever really expect him to be knighted? It’s hard to imagine that the people who make these decisions want to knight the guy whose most famous accomplishments besides his music are shocking the world both by biting the heads off of multiple living creatures and by still being alive at age sixty-six (although you’d think the fact that he peed on The Alamo might score him some points). Also, I know I’m being horribly American about this, but being knighted is basically like winning an award: it’s an honor and a boost to your ego, but it says nothing about the quality of your work. Whether he’s Ozzy Osbourne or Sir Ozzy Osbourne, Blizzard of Ozz will rule and Black Rain will suck and ain’t nuthin’ gonna change that.

Still, there are people in the world who would like to see this happen… like Helen Maidiotis. She’s started both a Facebook page and a petition to rally support for her cause… and as of right now (3:34 pm EST on Thursday, May 1), she has accumulated 6,460 votes. That’s nearly a hundred more votes than when I first checked the number a mere three minutes ago, and more than two-thousand votes since I first found out about via Metal Injection this morning. As of this writing, her target is 8,000 signatures, a number she will almost sure reach by tonight… but she previously raised the bar from 6,000 signatures, and her petition is proving to be so popular, I wouldn’t be surprised if she decided to raise it again. After all, in theory, at least, the more signatures she gets, the more likely the David Spooner, Britain’s Honours and Appointments Secretariat, is to take her seriously… right?

I doubt it. I just can’t see Spooner and his peers making the decision to knight someone just because people demand it.

But maybe I’m wrong! Maybe he will, in fact, be Sir Ozzy Osbourne someday. But I think if we’re being honest, Ozzy isn’t as well suited for knighthood as he is to be the court jester.

You can get more details and sign the petition here. It would appear you don’t have to be British to sign, which makes me think it’s that much more likely to be ignored, but whatever I guess.

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