Who the Sweet F*cking F*ck Asked Metallica to Play “St. Anger” Live?!?!

Update, 12:39 pm: Bergman was Swedish, not Danish. I can’t believe I made that mistake. I must now commit ritual suicide, for I have dishonored my ancestors.

The rest of this shit still applies, though.

Metallica’s current excuse not to be in the studio tour is “by request,” meaning fans at each stop of the trek voted on which songs they wanted the band to play. And one group of fans apparently requested “St. Anger.” And who in the mother of all fuck would do such a thing? The fucking Danes, that’s who. You’d think the country that spawned Mercyful Fate would have better taste, but then you remember that it’s the country that spawned Ingmar Bergman, too, and you realize they hate fun, so enjoying St. Anger would not be out of character for them.

Still, we search for a better, less geocentric explanation for this anomaly. Metal Insider suggests that fans may have been trolling the band, but Danes don’t have a sense of humor, so that can’t be right. It’s possible the band was trolling the fans. Maybe Lars Ulrich is so full of self-loathing that he was just like, “Fuck this crowd.”

Regardless of how or why this happened, you can watch footage of the tragic event below. The band made the song, like, half as short, and I guess couldn’t figure out a way to duplicate the patented, “non-stock” drum sound from the album, so it sounds slightly better than usual. Slightly. I mean, let’s not kid ourselves. “St. Anger” ain’t never gonna be “Creeping Death.”