Friday 5

Next Week: Welcome To MetalSucks Friday 5


Hey MetalSucks readers! Happy Friday to one and all. Say, did you love this week’s MetalSucks podcast? Not only was it our 54th edition, not only did it feature expert analysis on the Dave Brockie bummer from hosts Chuck and Godless, and not only was its highlight a riveting Axl Rosenberg interview with Ice Motherfucking T of Body Count, but it featured me, Anso DF, your brah! 

Yep, that was my mellifluous tenor blabbing about our new series that starts on June 20: MetalSucks Friday 5. It’s pretty fun! We got the idea one morning while watching a movie all high about these dudes who work in a Chicago record store; to kill time, the trio takes turns cooking up lists of the best five thingers, or the weirdest five somebodies, or the worst five whatevers. We love doing that! It’s infinite and all-inclusive! In fact, let’s get started right now. Behold:




Five awesome things about MetalSucks Friday 5


Anso DF, MetalSucks Senior Editor

1. F5 is all about you. One of us at MetalSucks kicks up the list, and then you jump in with your Five in the comments. Then you warmly dispute everybody else’s. Then we all gang up on one lister who seems vulnerable. Then a suicide. Then we laugh and laugh! Party!

2. F5 is on Fridays. Shit brah, does anything feel as empty as a Friday afternoon? Well, pack yours with deep thoughts, your least and most favorite stuff, and your fellow metal people. Don’t worry — your bosses are cool with it. We emailed them.

3. F5 is easy. There’s a reason that the abovementioned movie about the snooty Chicago vinyl hipsters isn’t 18 hours long: It only takes a minute to work up a list of five what-have-yous. And yours are better then everybody’s!

4. F5 grows. As was pointed out by our awesome hosts of the MetalSucks podcast, one list of five gives birth to many, many more lists of five. The list of the worst five songs by Metallica spawns a list of Metallica’s five best songs which begets the list of Hetfield’s harshest riffs and soooo onnnn.

5. F5 travels. You’ve signed off for the day, stripped down to flip-flops, and headed out with your brahs to jam until work is a distant memory. On the way, you marvel about that bimbo Anso DF’s five favorite songs with the word “kill” in their title. You nudge your buddies and diss Vince Neilstein’s choice of five most offensive album covers. You sputter and exhale while cheering Axl Rosenberg’s list of five best second-to-last songs on metal albums. And soon your whole group has entered a battle royale of listing that sucks in all nearby lifeforms, intensifying and subsiding til dawn.

See you next Friday!


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