The Contortionist Sucks

Tour Pet Peeves


peeve1by Cameron Maynard

Anyone that has been on tour or has spent an extended amount of time traveling with someone can tell you it’s never easy. There will be things one person says or does that will just completely irk the other. I decided it would be interesting to find out what really gets under the skins of touring musicians everywhere. It’s never an easy path to success…

Mike Lessard (The Contortionist) – “Someone drooling on your pillow.”

Anup Sastry (Intervals, Jeff Loomis) – “When someone pees on the toilet seat and doesn’t wipe it off.”

Blake Mount (Holy Grail) – “My biggest tour pet peeve would have to be restrooms. Whether it’s at a truck stop, venue, or a local flop house, finding a nice place to take a dump is a luxury on the road. Having to drop the kids off at the pool at a bathroom straight out of the movie Saw sucks.”

Robby Baca (The Contortionist) – “Cell phones.”

Peter Pawlak (Rings of Saturn) – “My biggest pet peeve would have to be the prevalence of cigarette smoke outside and inside (in states that don’t outlaw it) at shows. My second biggest pet peeve is how unsanitary/gross the van gets after like 2 hours into a summer tour.”

Diego Farias (Volumes) – “I’d say not leaving trash in the van/bus.”

Eric Guenther (The Contortionist) – “I hate everyone.”

Jean Nascimento (Letlive) – “I would definitely say pee bottles in the van.”

Chris Hori (Aloha Radio) – “#swampass, it ruins my jorts.”

Aaron Marshall (Intervals) – “Stairs”

Jordan Eberhardt (The Contortionist) – “The lack of nutritious meals. Overnight drives. Diarrhea.”

Andy Townsend (guitar tech for Between The Buried and Me) – “When you’re loading in and everyone’s ready to do work and that one loader is like ‘Hey! Can I get some guitar picks?’ Uggghhh…”

Cameron McLennan (Protest The Hero) – “Tinder matches getting back to you a day too late.”

Sacha Dunable (Intronaut) – “Punishers! Shit weather. Lazy promoters.”

Ashton Parsons (audio engineer for Zakk Wylde) – “1) Fans begging crew dudes for picks or setlists at shows, 2) snoring band or crew guys, 3) venue water pressure or water heater not being up to snuff, or lack of showers in a venue.”

Henry Selva (The Human Abstract, audio engineer for Protest The Hero) – “Bands who take too god damn long to get off stage for set change. Openers who take stage photos with the audience behind them. Openers sneaking into headliners dressing rooms to grab beer or treats without permission. Opener with a Neil Peart kit.”

Matt Halpern (Periphery) – “That’s easy! Biggest pet peeve for me is the loud wanking of instruments when doors aren’t open yet and bands aren’t sound checking… Shhhhhhhhhh.”

Mike Bielenda (Boreworm) – “One of my biggest pet peeves on the road are tolls. $27 to drive a mile in the Lincoln Tunnel? Are you kidding me? That and the night drives. Nothing scares you more than waking up to screaming bandmates ’cause somebody fell asleep at the wheel and almost killed everyone.”

Travis Levrier (Scale The Summit) – “Stray pee bottles floating around the van.”

Dustie Waring (Between the Buried and Me) – “Food poisoning or any other kind of sickness. Crossing the Canadian border.”

Tim Millar (Protest The Hero) – My tour pet peeve is when other band members ask for the wifi password when it’s usually posted on the day sheet. Once an entire tour connects, the wifi will usually crash and then no one can use the internet!

Bill Oberrender (merch for The Contortionist, Chon, Monuments) – “Driving overnight and having to exhaust the farts. It’s absolutely disgusting and I’m always worried about getting pink eye.”

Robby Brown (tour manager/audio engineer The Contortionist, After The Burial, Conquering Distopia) -“Disappearing band members.”

Evan Sammons (Last Chance To Reason) – “When A.J. clogs the green room toilet.”

Geoff Ficco (The Faceless) – “I’d say it’s trying to find a good location to sufficiently dry my smelly stage clothes that are still thoroughly soaked in sweat from the previous day’s show.”

Sean Zatorsky (ex-Chimaira, Dååth) – “People stepping on my fucking towel.

“Or sticking their finger in their ear and eating it.


“Or listening to any thing with ‘Latifah’ in the name.

“When someone asks you to do their laundry and there is a bunk sock included.

“Using my peanut butter spoon.

“Line skipping in the shitter, or when I sit down theres no one in there and as soon as I sit down every dude from tour needs to use the one stall I’m in.

“People using my toothbrush grrrr smoking my weed taking my pillow hanging their stage clothes from my bunk or putting their stage clothes on my pillow or pretty much anything to do with my pillow. (My favorite one was when my towel was touching the drummer’s stage shorts — ughhhhhhh!)

“Or no toilet paper in the venue (likes it’s a surprise band dudes need to shit) or no stall doors in the men’s room but I’m not allowed use the women’s room.

“Or drinks aren’t free.

“When water isn’t complimentary and when you reach for a ice cold stage water and its sparkling water.”

Cameron Maynard (The Contortionist) – “Listening to death metal at night after a show.”

Show Comments
Metal Sucks Greatest Hits