Second Greatest Website in History Launches Record Label

September 26th, 2014 at 10:30am
Axl Rosenberg

Okay. Alright. I admit it. MetalSucks is only the third greatest website in history. The first, of course, is The Hun, the Black Sabbath of the internet, the site from which the inspiration for all other sites has come. The second, inarguably, is the Metallica to The Hun’s Sabbath — the site that may not have invented it, but perfected it. I’m speaking, of course, about —

That's so offensive. Who doesn't use a wireless mouse in 2014? — *That’s so offensive. Who doesn’t use a wireless mouse in 2014?*

So it is with no small amount of excitement that I bring you this news: Pornhub Records is a thing now. Reports Billboard…

“We’re looking for acts that aren’t necessarily porn-focused,” says [Pornhub vice-president Corey] Price. “We’re an ad-based network looking for content that appeals to our demographic. Mature lyrics for an adult audience; no boy bands or teen-pop, for instance.”

The label apparently signed Coolio earlier this year (I don’t know how we missed that news, Coolio being the A-list megastar that he is), and is now holding a contest to find a jingle for the venerated site; the winner gets five grand to make a music video and a guarantee of 500,000 views for that clip. Alas, what the winner does not get (automatically, at least) is signed to PHR:

“A&R is a work in progress,” says [Pornhub’s head of PR and marketing Matt] Blake. “Right now it’s all about forming relationships and understanding how this all works. We’re focused on distributing through the platform and digital sales,” with physical releases possibly coming at a later stage.

I’m guessing there will be physical releases, though, and probably the moment the customer wants it. After all, that has been the successful business model for Pornhub up until now.

Given the longstanding history between metal and adult entertainment, it stands to reason that Pornhub Records will be adding plenty of heavy bands to their roster. Presumably, pornogrind bands like Gut, XXX Maniak, Cock and Ball Torture, and Chiildren (who just so happen to have recently re-entered the studio with The Faceless’ Michael Keene!) would all make ideal candidates for the label, but I know what we’re all really hoping for: that they can somehow lure Lake Bukkake. Wouldn’t that be something?

[via Metal Insider]

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