Everyone's Replaceable

Meet the Total Yutz That is Probably Asking Alexandria’s New Vocalist

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Denis Shaforostov SelfieTragedy struck last week when Asking Alexandria split with vocalist Danny Worsnop, a cataclysm of such tremendous power as to cause this week’s brutal Northeastern blizzard. But the remaining members of Asking Alexandria, superheroes that they are, vowed to continue on without Worsnop, promising fans that they’d “be spending all summer touring the European festival circuit and across North America on the Vans Warped tour with our new singer.”

Well, now Alternative Press thinks they know who that new singer is: “trusted sources” tell the mag that it’s Denis Shaforostov, formerly of Ukranian scenecore band Make Me Famous. Furthermore, Shaforostov’s new band, Down & Dirty, are signed to the same label as AA — that would be Sumerian — which will “make the transition quite easy for the singer.”

I think speak for everyone here at MetalSucks when I say that Shaforostov is the PERFECT choice to fill Worsnop’s Uggs. Make Me Famous — a band that makes Asking Alexandria seem like Led Zeppelin by comparison — are alumni of MS’ own “Shitstain on the Ass of the Universe” series, and we’re so honored to have in any way contributed to Shaforostov’s success! We look forward to enjoying his awkward spin kicks with AA soon.

So assuming Shaforostov is, indeed, Asking Alexandria’s new frontman, what happens now? My crystal balls show me one of three possible outcomes:

1. The Sabbath/Ozzy/Dio Paradigm

Fans accept Shaforostov and the band continues to be successful without Worsnop. Eventually, however, they part ways with Shaforostov, too, and their third singer is not well-received. The band eventually reunites with Shaforostov, or Worsnop, or Shaforostov and then Worsnop (see also: Iron Maiden, Van Halen, Anthrax).

2. The Priest/Crüe Paradigm

Fans give zero shits about Asking Alexandria with a new singer. They eventually sack Shaforostov and reunite with Worsnop.

There’s also “The KSE Paradigm,” in which fans love Shaforostov but the band eventually reunites with Worsnop anyway, but my crystal balls say that is very unlikely.

Regardless of which of these paradigms comes to fruition, you can bet your bottom dollar on this: Worsnop will be back in Asking Alexandria sooner or later. So you can come in off the ledge now, okay?

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