Slipknot’s Mick Thomson Charged for Knife Fight with Brother
In case you somehow missed the news: a couple of weeks ago, Slipknot guitarist Mick Thomson was stabbed in the back the head during a drunken brawl with his younger brother, Andrew (re-enactment below).
The injury was said to be serious but non-life-threatening, and vocalist Corey Taylor soon took to Twitter to reassure fans that Thomson was okay. Which was, of course, a relief!
Unfortunately, this is Obama’s new Commie dictatorship America, where you can’t just go and get into a knife fight without consequences like you could in the good old days, when the values of our Founding Fathers still meant something. And so according to The Des Moines Register — the #1 Register in all of Des Moines! — both Thomson brothers “have been charged with disorderly conduct by fighting,” despite the fact that they declined to press charges against one another. They’re due to appear in court on March 30.
According to my extremely half-assed research via this website, in Iowa disorderly conduct is a simple misdemeanor, “punishable by up to 30 days in jail, a fine of $65 to $625, or both.” My hunch is that neither brother will do any jail time and that they’ll both pay fines and Mick will some joke when asked about this interviews like “Boys will be boys!” and then we’ll never hear about it again. Kinda anticlimactic. I was really hoping the Thomson Brothers would settle this via patented UFC cage match skull stab fight. Oh well.