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Denny’s Customer Fulfills World’s Collective Lifelong Dream, Punches Marilyn Manson in the Face

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marilyn manson dennys vulgar display of powerMost people learn never to eat at Denny’s the old fashioned way: diarrhea.

Actual photo of actual Denny's "food."
Actual photo of actual Denny’s “food.”

But Marilyn Manson, poor fellow, had to learn about the dangers of the food chain via a much more difficult lesson: he got punched in the face by a fellow diner.

According to TMZ, what will surely become metal’s most celebrated sock to the kisser since the great Danzig Incident of ’04 took place this past Saturday night/Sunday morning around 2 am. Evidently, Mr. Manson followed up a show in Alberta, Canada with a fine dining experience at the Denny’s in question; while there, he got into some sort of argument with a group sitting at a nearby table, which led to him calling one woman “bitch,” which led to that woman’s boyfriend introducing Manson to his fist.

Of course, Manson’s version of the story is quite different: he denies ever calling anyone a bitch (in this instance, not in his whole life) and says that when some girls approached him and asked him to pose for a photo, he did so. Then this dude supposedly sucker punched him for no apparent reason and threw an elbow in the face of Manson’s make-up artist; when Manson’s security detail grabbed the guy and had him removed from the premises, he allegedly started screaming about blowing up Manson’s next concert. Manson and the make-up artist are both going to press criminal charges and civil charges (that is, they’re going to try and get him arrested and they’re going to sue his ass).

So which version of the story is accurate? I suspect, as is so often the case, the truth is somewhere in-between. Maybe the attacker’s girlfriend was one of the ladies who asked to pose for the photo, and maybe the attacker got jealous, or maybe Manson called her “bitch” for some reason. Really, it’s irrelevant, because any way you slice it, the basic moral of the story is one as old as time immemorial:

NEVER AT EAT AT DENNY’S, STUPID!

 

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