“Stay Crazy,” Helloween
I remember being a kid and seeing some dude in a Helloween shirt and thinking, “Wow, that band must be REALLY scary, ’cause they took the scariest holiday and made a pun which makes that holiday even scarier!” And when I found out they were German, well, then I really thought they were bad asses, because Germans are the most naturally-unsettling people in the world.
Such is the innocent logic of a child.
Helloween, of course, are just about the least scary band in all of metal, as evidenced by their new single, “Stay Crazy.” I admit that the track is catchy as fuck, even if it’s not my thing — if this is the last thing you listen to before turning off your computer/mp3 player/stereo, it will definitely get stuck in your head. But HOLY SHIT are the lyrics ever terrible! To wit, this is how the chorus begins — I swear to Hanneman I am not making this up: “We wanna stay crazy/ As fresh as a daisy.”
I repeat, the chorus to this song utilizes the idiom “fresh as a daisy.”
I mean, never mind that daisies are far and away the least metal of flowers. But when your chorus sounds like the slogan for a douche product, you should probably grab the ol’ rhyming dictionary and see if you can come up with something better.
Some ideas, off the top of my head:
- “We wanna stay crazy/ We’ll let you live… maybe”
- “We wanna stay crazy/ And give everyone rabies”
- “We wanna stay crazy/ You’ll bear our rape baby”
- “We wanna stay crazy/ Like coked-out Scorsese”
- “We wanna stay crazy/ Like Point Break-era Swayze”
- “We wanna stay crazy/ Bill Cosby still slays me”
- “We wanna stay crazy/ And kidnap Williams, Maisie”
- “We wanna stay crazy/ But this weed makes us lazy”
- “We wanna stay crazy/ But the details are hazy”
Really, almost anything would have been a significant improvement over “as fresh as a daisy.”
Check out “Stay Crazy” for yourself below, and then head to the comments section to make your own suggestions re: ways the lyrics to this song could have been improved. The track will appear on Helloween’s new album, x, which is out now on Nuclear Blast.
VIDEO CONTENT PRESENTED BY QELLO CONCERTS: