Poetry In Motion

“Stay Crazy,” Helloween

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ron burgundy helloweenI remember being a kid and seeing some dude in a Helloween shirt and thinking, “Wow, that band must be REALLY scary, ’cause they took the scariest holiday and made a pun which makes that holiday even scarier!” And when I found out they were German, well, then I really thought they were bad asses, because Germans are the most naturally-unsettling people in the world.

Such is the innocent logic of a child.

Helloween, of course, are just about the least scary band in all of metal, as evidenced by their new single, “Stay Crazy.” I admit that the track is catchy as fuck, even if it’s not my thing — if this is the last thing you listen to before turning off your computer/mp3 player/stereo, it will definitely get stuck in your head. But HOLY SHIT are the lyrics ever terrible! To wit, this is how the chorus begins — I swear to Hanneman I am not making this up: “We wanna stay crazy/ As fresh as a daisy.”

I repeat, the chorus to this song utilizes the idiom “fresh as a daisy.”

I mean, never mind that daisies are far and away the least metal of flowers. But when your chorus sounds like the slogan for a douche product, you should probably grab the ol’ rhyming dictionary and see if you can come up with something better.

Some ideas, off the top of my head:

  • “We wanna stay crazy/ We’ll let you live… maybe”
  • “We wanna stay crazy/ And give everyone rabies”
  • “We wanna stay crazy/ You’ll bear our rape baby”
  • “We wanna stay crazy/ Like coked-out Scorsese”
  • “We wanna stay crazy/ Like Point Break-era Swayze”
  • “We wanna stay crazy/ Bill Cosby still slays me”
  • “We wanna stay crazy/ And kidnap Williams, Maisie”
  • “We wanna stay crazy/ But this weed makes us lazy”
  • “We wanna stay crazy/ But the details are hazy”

Really, almost anything would have been a significant improvement over “as fresh as a daisy.”

Check out “Stay Crazy” for yourself below, and then head to the comments section to make your own suggestions re: ways the lyrics to this song could have been improved. The track will appear on Helloween’s new album, x, which is out now on Nuclear Blast.

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