Pappy’s Day To Be Glad/Sad That You’re (Not) A Dad

June 21st, 2015 at 2:44pm
Kip Wingerschmidt

I hope if you are a father that you are super duper psyched about it. Otherwise you’ll probably either take out whatever misery afflicts you on your poor unsuspecting child(ren) or ignore the little fucker(s) altogether. Kids are amazing/the future of this doomed civilization so let’s celebrate em!

And I hope if you are NOT a father you are super duper psyched about it. Kids are a pain in the tush and take over your lives in almost every possible way. Plus, our civilization is doomed anyway (see above) so what’s the point?

HOWEVER, whether you are a dad or not, there’s no denying that if you’re reading this, some man was responsible for your existence and today is the day to pay homage to that mofo.

This year we have a new pappy in our crue via a brand new ~~edition~~ addition to the MetalSucks Mansion: our beloved captain Vince K. Neilstein ~~gave birth out his ding-dong~~ and his righteous Metal GF (when youse guys gonna make it legal btw??) created a spawn of ~~santa~~ satan characterized by maximum monstrosity, so it be my pleasure to publicly ~~shame~~ wish him a very happy premier Father’s Day! You’ve always been one sexy motherfucker, but now it’s truly become a reality.

Not to mention that I have lovingly impregnated our other editor, a newly glowing Axl F. Rosenberg — we are expecting this Fall and are truly over the moon…

I might be the creepy uncle in the mansion but somehow you guys are my two dads!