Friday 5: Your Five Least Popular Opinions
Happy Friday, MetalSucks reader! Welcome to MetalSucks Friday 5, our awesome series that appears every Friday (duh) on MetalSucks (duhh) and involves the quantity of five (duhhh).
Here’s how it works: A list of best/worst/weirdest/whatever five somethings is posted by one of your beloved MetalSucks contributors or by one of our buds (like you?). Then you, our cherished reader, checks it out, has a chuckle, then chimes in with a list of the same. No sweat, just whatever springs to mind, k? (Just like that movie about those losers working at a Chicago record store!) After all, it’s Friday — the day dedicated by the gods to mindless, fun time-wasting.
Today, let’s talk about the personal opinions that get you yelled at a bit!
What are your five least popular opinions?
Anso DF, MetalSucks senior editor
1. Chris Poland Isn’t Megadeth’s Second-Best Guitarist
Sacrilege factor: 8
Most opinions are happily granted legitimacy. Maybe it’s a popular opinion (eg. one Anthrax singer is better than the other) or at least a sensible one (eg. one Sepultura is better than the other). Who gives a shit most of the time? But some of your most sincere opinions make you seem like a contrarian, a dunce, or, worse, a hipster. Like you’re just prompting an argument and/or displaying breathless quantities of ignorance. But you’re not; in fact, you tend to share these particular views only when hectored and even then with reluctance. Picture me around a roomful of stuck-up guitar players mumbling that Chris Poland’s leads were glory-era Megadeth’s least interesting (except those performed by their rhythm guitarist, natch). Then imagine me rushing to defensively point out that it’s my plan to be buried with the masters of his solo album, Return To Metalopolis. Too late. Credibility cratered.
2. The Beatles’ Best Song ≤ Blue Murder’s Best Song
Sacrilege factor: 10000000
In some company, it’s controversial to state that Hair Metal is awesome. And even among those who actually agree with that, it can controversial to state that Blue Murder is awesome. But in any place on Earth, it’s enough to garner shrieks of “Philistine!” or “AIDS on you!” to float the idea that the only peer of The Beatles’ ultimate mega-masterpiece, “Hey Jude” is hair metal gem “Jelly Roll” by Blue Murder (who???). Each is a dazzling two-act epic with a massive singalong, one is a tiny bit snappier. A friend who was present the moment this opinion coalesced in my mind reacted with a look of legit nausea.
3. Dave Grohl Settle Down
Sacrilege factor: 11
Dave Grohl deserves credit for deftly identifying iconic musicians to be seen with. The same could be achieved by a McDonald’s marketing intern by listing every type of music shopper in column A, then each group’s heroes in column B; then you’d somehow leverage an association with each in the latter while awareness of your brand grows among each of the former. He’s a headliner in Lemmy’s documentary, co-star of the Beatles’ tribute concert, ambassador of a historic L.A. recording studio, a curator of unimpeachable metal. He guests with Tom Petty, Zach Brown, David Bowie, Cat Power. And Ghost, Queens, Nine Inch Nails, Killing Joke. It’s like a cred scavenger hunt.
4. Filter’s Richard Patrick Get Back On The Booze
Sacrilege factor: 5
An opinion might sometimes meet universal rejection not because it’s incorrect, but because it is detestable and evil. I mean, for example, who could suggest that a genius songwriter resume a catastrophic drug addiction just on the off-chance that it leads to even one more masterpiece? What kind of scum would even entertain the idea of thinking such a ghastly thought? We’re talking about a man’s health and livelihood!! That’s way more important than silly records! So of course we’d totally keep an eye on him 24/7! Okay, Mr. Gandhi?
5. The Best Of Black Sabbath
Sacrilege factor: 10
Sure, Black Sabbath, Paranoid, and Masters Of Reality are Black Sabbath’s finest achievements. Yet once that trail had been blazed, they were fee to focus less on invention and more on expertise. That means it could be concluded empirically that Sabotage is their peak. Try not to spill your beer, beardy.
Your turn! Have a great wknd!