Metal Merch

Own an Ugly “Crust Couch” with Metal Band Patches for a Mere Five Grand


There are so many ways to show poor people you don’t care about them: you can wipe your ass with money, you can set money on fire, you can write a will leaving all your money to a beloved pet when you die, you can volunteer at a soup kitchen and piss in the soup… the list goes on and on, really.

Still, our society, creative entity that it is, is constantly conjuring inventive new ways to to tell the underprivileged, “Hey, go fuck yourself.” Like this”crust couch” our friends at Metal Injection found on Etsy. It’s priced at $5,000, which is enough money to not meet Guns N’ Roses twice:

crust couch 1crust couch 2

So, basically, the person or persons who are making these bought some nice looking couches and then sowed a bunch of metal band patches onto them. Wow. I’m not even sure that the couch is made from real leather (the product description doesn’t say). If this concept appeals to you, though, you could just purchase your own black leather couch for much less than $5K and sew your own patches onto it. Of course, that wouldn’t convey to starving children in the third world that there is no God with quite as much panache.

Me? I’m gonna stick to making my own crust couches the way men have made crust couches for thousands of years: by getting semen on it.

Show Comments
Metal Sucks Greatest Hits