Metal in the Media

Alice Cooper’s Apple Watch Commercial is Bizarre, Does Not Feature His Music


Alice Cooper’s the fucking man, across the board. Unlike many of his peers, the dude has remained dedicated to his loves of horror, theater, bizarre showmanship, and cinematic classic rock. You can hate on him if you like, but it only makes you smaller for it.

But man, this Apple Watch commercial that Alice just did is mind-bogglingly weird. It depicts Alice struggling with his golf swing until he sees on his nifty Apple Watch that he’s burned his desired number of calories for the day, at which point he finishes. Which is fine, seeing as Cooper is a well-known golfer and all…

…and then in the background, instead of a killer Alice Cooper track, we hear some bullshit acoustic version of Dire Straits’ “Walk of Life.” Alice doesn’t even say any lines. So for the average schmuck, especially the average young schmuck, who either doesn’t know Alice Cooper on sight or knows him as a dude in a top hat and goth paint, this commercial makes no sense.

So what’s the deal? Are they trying to sell the Apple Watch to older customers with in-depth knowledge of rock and roll? Or maybe it’s Cooper fucking with his audience in an Andy Kaufman sort of way. “See, there’s no indication it’s me–hell, it’s not even my music! Their minds are gonna be blown!”

Anyway, watch this bizarre piece of shillery below. Alice leaves for tour this week, so catch him at one of the dates listed, where he’ll be good ol’ Alice Cooper and not, I don’t know, this.


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