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Friday 5: Meat Is Meat (Memorial Day BBQ Edition)

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Happy Friday, MetalSucks reader! Welcome to MetalSucks Friday 5, our awesome series that appears every Friday (duh) on MetalSucks (duhh) and involves the quantity of five (duhhh).

Here’s how it works: A list of best/worst/weirdest/whatever five somethings is posted by one of your beloved MetalSucks contributors or by one of our buds (like you!). Then you, our cherished reader, checks it out, has a chuckle, then chimes in with a list of the same. No sweat, just whatever springs to mind, k? (Just like that movie about those losers working at a Chicago record store!) After all, it’s Friday — the day dedicated by the gods to mindless, fun time-wasting. 

Here we go!

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THE FIVE

This Memorial Day weekend, what five cannibal jams are blasting at your barbecue?

THE LISTER

Emperor Rhombus, MetalSucks contributor

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“Hacked Up For Barbecue” by Mortician
from Hacked Up For Barbecue
1996 | Relapse

A classic gore metal cut referencing the greatest gore movie. Perfect for sitting poolside, sipping a cold one, and listening to that delicious sizzle as you lay strips of human flesh on the grill. Just remember to clean your meat properly if you’re using the chainsaw to carve it.

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“Mein Teil” by Rammstein
from Reise, Reise
2004 | Republic

“My part?” Sounds scrumptious! This disturbing track by Germany’s most respected industrial metal band tells the tale of Bernd Brandes and Armin Meiwes, two dudes who got together one day, cut off Brandes’ penis, and then cooked and ate it. Goes well with sriracha!

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“Butchered At Birth” by Cannibal Corpse
from Butchered At Birth
1991 | Metal Blade

Mmmm, veal! No band does songs about killing and devouring human beings like Cannibal Corpse, but the title track from their sophomore effort focuses on the most important cannibalism possible –eating babies! You know, starving bears are known to eat their cubs to survive. Why? They’re so tender!

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“Grinding Christian Flesh” by Infernus
from Grinding Christian Flesh
2015 | Moribund

If all this pointless gory death metal doesn’t suit you, why not celebrate cannibalism with a purpose? Let Portland black metal crew Infernus teach you about the proper way to cure, grind, and serve followers of the bastard Nazarene! After all, Christian flesh is known to be extra-marbled from all the piousness.

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“Eaten” by Bloodbath
from Nightmares Made Flesh
2004 | Century Media

What long pig cookout would be complete without this slow-cooker by Sweden’s Bloodbath? It’s easy to write songs about eating others, but an anthem to wanting someone to eat you? Incredible. This one will always have a special place in my heart, which can be marinated in dark beer and apples and roasted in a crock pot for three hours.

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Your turn! Have a great wknd!

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